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Tips to Get Along with Your TeenUse these tips to help you and your teen find common ground.
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Once you've raised a good teen, you'll have a new friend as an adult you can be proud of.
“ In an ideal world, every parent would agree on the same rules but unfortunately, that is not always the case.”
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"Mom! You are so embarrassing!"
Hearing this from your precious offspring who, one short year ago, considered you the center of their universe may be difficult to accept. Even though you’ve heard that it’s not uncommon for a sweet young child to turn into a less-than-pleasant adolescent, you secretly hoped that your child would be the one exception. Your pride and joy goes from idolizing you to ducking around the corner at the thought of being seen with you in public. While there’s no magic wand that allows a parent to have their child skip over the teen years, there are some time-tested tips that will help along the journey.
You can’t have it both ways. You or your spouse can’t expect to parent your teen, enforcing rules and setting boundaries, and still try to be their best friend. Teens rely on the two of you to provide guidance, giving them sound advice and protection from difficult situations that they will encounter. If you are afraid to be the occasional "bad guy," you are doing your child a disservice. Contrary to what they may believe, teens cannot raise themselves.
Get involved. A very famous book states, "Bad company corrupts good character." Who your teen hangs out with has a major impact on the choices they make. It is imperative you get to know your kids' friends and their parents. Don’t be ashamed to let other parents know that you’re not okay with R-rated movies or leaving them alone for the night. Always follow up with the parents before allowing your teen to sleep over at someone’s home.
Make an escape plan with your teen. Decide on a special phrase or buzz word that your teen can use if he or she needs to be removed from a dangerous situation, such as drinking and driving. This "code" will alert you that your teen needs help. Agree to immediately act on the situation and ask questions later when your child is at home, safely.
Sharpen your own skills. Today’s teens are extremely good with technology and social media, and parents must have knowledge of what they are doing and looking at online. Remind them that nothing is private on social media and that the choices they make can affect their lives today and in their future. Ask them to use the, "What would my principal say?" test. If they would get in trouble for it at school, (or home) it shouldn’t be out there. As a parent, you have a responsibility to check up on what they are doing online.
Together, with you teen, create a list of family rules. Remind them that if there are ever any questions about what they are allowed to do, they can refer to the list in your absence.
Model the behavior you expect. You can’t lecture on the ills of drinking and driving while they watch you pour a "to-go" glass of wine. Illegal is illegal, regardless of age. You are the role model and your teen is watching.
There is strength in numbers. Invite the parents of their friend’s over and discuss feelings, fears, thoughts and expectations. It is much easier for kids to abide by home rules when their friends have similar rules. In an ideal world, every parent would agree on the same rules but unfortunately, that is not always the case. Explain to your teen that, even when they are visiting someone else’s house, they are expected to use good judgment.
Listen. Even though your teen often wants little to do with you these days, he or she still has a lot to say. Make yourself available anytime your child wants to talk. There are only small windows of opportunity when teen decides to open up and parents have to seize these moments when they become available.
Hold your teen accountable. If they do something that requires detention or a trip to the principal's office, refrain from immediately blaming the school, teachers, friends or the weather. Making excuses for a teen ultimately teaches them they don’t have to be accountable for their actions.
Let them know you love them unconditionally. You can discipline and hold them accountable for bad behavior, while still providing them with love and support. Teens, (and adults) learn far more from failure than they do from success. Using a mistake as a learning tool is an opportunity that shouldn’t be overlooked.
Stay focused and don’t give up. The teen years do pass and you will find that you have raised a respectful, grateful, responsible adult that you are proud to also call a friend.
Diane Gottsman, a nationally recognized etiquette expert, is the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in etiquette training for corporations, universities and individuals, striving to polish their interpersonal skills. You can reach Diane at 877-490-1077 or www.protocolschooloftexas.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @: www.twitter.com/DianeGottsman.
Hearing this from your precious offspring who, one short year ago, considered you the center of their universe may be difficult to accept. Even though you’ve heard that it’s not uncommon for a sweet young child to turn into a less-than-pleasant adolescent, you secretly hoped that your child would be the one exception. Your pride and joy goes from idolizing you to ducking around the corner at the thought of being seen with you in public. While there’s no magic wand that allows a parent to have their child skip over the teen years, there are some time-tested tips that will help along the journey.
You can’t have it both ways. You or your spouse can’t expect to parent your teen, enforcing rules and setting boundaries, and still try to be their best friend. Teens rely on the two of you to provide guidance, giving them sound advice and protection from difficult situations that they will encounter. If you are afraid to be the occasional "bad guy," you are doing your child a disservice. Contrary to what they may believe, teens cannot raise themselves.
Get involved. A very famous book states, "Bad company corrupts good character." Who your teen hangs out with has a major impact on the choices they make. It is imperative you get to know your kids' friends and their parents. Don’t be ashamed to let other parents know that you’re not okay with R-rated movies or leaving them alone for the night. Always follow up with the parents before allowing your teen to sleep over at someone’s home.
Make an escape plan with your teen. Decide on a special phrase or buzz word that your teen can use if he or she needs to be removed from a dangerous situation, such as drinking and driving. This "code" will alert you that your teen needs help. Agree to immediately act on the situation and ask questions later when your child is at home, safely.
Sharpen your own skills. Today’s teens are extremely good with technology and social media, and parents must have knowledge of what they are doing and looking at online. Remind them that nothing is private on social media and that the choices they make can affect their lives today and in their future. Ask them to use the, "What would my principal say?" test. If they would get in trouble for it at school, (or home) it shouldn’t be out there. As a parent, you have a responsibility to check up on what they are doing online.
Together, with you teen, create a list of family rules. Remind them that if there are ever any questions about what they are allowed to do, they can refer to the list in your absence.
Model the behavior you expect. You can’t lecture on the ills of drinking and driving while they watch you pour a "to-go" glass of wine. Illegal is illegal, regardless of age. You are the role model and your teen is watching.
There is strength in numbers. Invite the parents of their friend’s over and discuss feelings, fears, thoughts and expectations. It is much easier for kids to abide by home rules when their friends have similar rules. In an ideal world, every parent would agree on the same rules but unfortunately, that is not always the case. Explain to your teen that, even when they are visiting someone else’s house, they are expected to use good judgment.
Listen. Even though your teen often wants little to do with you these days, he or she still has a lot to say. Make yourself available anytime your child wants to talk. There are only small windows of opportunity when teen decides to open up and parents have to seize these moments when they become available.
Hold your teen accountable. If they do something that requires detention or a trip to the principal's office, refrain from immediately blaming the school, teachers, friends or the weather. Making excuses for a teen ultimately teaches them they don’t have to be accountable for their actions.
Let them know you love them unconditionally. You can discipline and hold them accountable for bad behavior, while still providing them with love and support. Teens, (and adults) learn far more from failure than they do from success. Using a mistake as a learning tool is an opportunity that shouldn’t be overlooked.
Stay focused and don’t give up. The teen years do pass and you will find that you have raised a respectful, grateful, responsible adult that you are proud to also call a friend.
Diane Gottsman, a nationally recognized etiquette expert, is the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in etiquette training for corporations, universities and individuals, striving to polish their interpersonal skills. You can reach Diane at 877-490-1077 or www.protocolschooloftexas.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @: www.twitter.com/DianeGottsman.
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