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8 Tips to Feel Good About How You Look in the Bedroom
Follow these 8 easy ways to maximize on one another’s beauty and showcase it in the bedroom.

Feeling sexy is up to you and will help your sex life.

Tell your spouse about their qualities that you find attractive and ask them to do the same.”
Is there a relationship between great sex and great physical beauty? I’ve read, with some amusement, the correlations between attractiveness and life success. It runs the gamut: studies that suggest sexy or beautiful people get better jobs, earn more money, are more popular, or get their own way more often. I’ve been hard-pressed, however, to find a study that will categorically claim that being beautiful or handsome is directly correlated to having a great sex life.

However, what role does beauty play in an ongoing sexual relationship like marriage? Does our physical appearance, or more importantly, the way we feel about our looks or body bear any relationship to the quality of our sex lives?

All women, I am sure, can identify with the intensity of dressing to impress the guy of our dreams. We spent an inordinate amount of time in those early days preening and positioning ourselves for maximum sex appeal. This behavior is not exclusive to women. As a mother of three sons, I have the distinct privilege of watching them get special haircuts and change outfits in preparation for their dates with girlfriends. Even in the animal kingdom, we recognize that peahens show a preference for peacocks with the flashiest tails. It is in fact how they choose their mates—and now I understand why I love my husband’s butt!

So what happens when the routine of marriage sets in and we’ve already won our spouse’s heart. Do we think that maintaining beauty or sex appeal is important? We should. Feeling beautiful and sexy can help us drop inhibitions in the bedroom. Know that real beauty comes from within, however, when you don't feel sexy it's often difficult to get in the mood to have great sex.

Within marriage there is the need to strike a happy balance between looking and feeling sexy. Dynamics like pregnancies, kids, a mortgage, car loans, aging parents and a job that sucks will take their toll on us, both physically and emotionally. Very often we don’t feel very beautiful after a long day at the office or after having spent an entire day chasing toddlers. But if our relationships are to survive the marital doldrums, we have to remember where they started—and this is where we can work to look more attractive than we sometimes feel.

In the courtship before your marriage, your future spouse saw your beauty, both inside and out. As our responsibilities grow and bodies age it's understandable that we don't always feel sexy—that's what the beauty industry is for. There's a saying that, "When you look good you feel good, and when you feel good you perform good." This applies to sex in the bedroom. You might not have the slender legs or the six-pack abs, but that doesn't mean you can't feel just as sexy. Whether you’re a man or woman, use the following tips to help you maximize your beauty and perform your best in the bedroom:

1. Preserve some "me" time in your marriage to take care of your physical appearance. Pay attention to things like haircuts, hair treatments, facials, pedicures, makeover’s, exercise and body massage. This applies to men too with shaves, gym time, etc.

2. Pamper your body. Even if you’re unable to afford a spa appointment, buy products and do your own "spa day" or share grooming time with a trusted girlfriend. If you are unable to afford a gym membership, walk and enjoy the beauty of nature.

3. Buy sexy lingerie that compliments your body type. Vary the colors and styles to appeal to a variety of bedroom moods or playful scenarios. Husbands can also add to bedroom appeal by replacing the old holey drawers with sexy sleepwear to add some surprise and diversity.

4. Spruce-up your wardrobe periodically with new outfits and accessories that showcase your sense of individuality. A fresh wardrobe will allow you to accent your best physical qualities and provide a fresh reminder to your spouse.

5. Practice beauty affirmations by telling yourself what you have going good for you. For example, healthy hair, great teeth, beautiful breasts, shapely legs, great abs and the like.

6. Understand that sex appeal is not only derived from what is worn, but also from what is shared. Tell your spouse about their qualities that you find attractive and ask them to do the same.

7. Stop being so hard on yourself. Accept your imperfections and know that these are what make you distinctly human. A crooked smile might not be perfect, but it could be the thing that attracted your spouse to you in the first place.

8. Look within your character, talents and skills and know that your true worth is based on what you are on the inside, not what you look like on the outside. Inner confidence and self-love fosters a beauty that is irresistible and leads to greater sex. Own your beauty and reap the rewards of a lifetime of great sex in your marriage.

"Denise J Charles" is an educator, counselor, relationship-coach, published author and blogger. She holds a Masters Degree in Education and is a qualified trainer-of-trainers. Denise is Executive Director of "Better Blends Relationship Institute", a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise’s blog on sex can be found "here". Denise’s soon to be released new book is "How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain".

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Over 1 million couples turn to Hitched for expert marital advice every year. Sign up now for our newsletter & get exclusive weekly content that will entertain, educate and inspire your marriage.

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