Confident or Arrogant: What Kind of Child Are You Raising? Helping your child avoid arrogance at an early age can be a major step in raising a strong and confident adult. BY ANNE LEEDOM
There can be a fine line between confident and arrogant.
“ Good parenting is not about how to create little prodigies, but rather itís how to help our children live their lives to the best of their abilities.”
All parents know the feeling, the moment of pride when someone notices how outspoken or articulate our child is. We bask in the knowledge that our child is smart, has a great sense of self-esteem and succeeds at virtually everything they attempt to do. There is a fine line between confidence and pride and arrogance.
Experts agree that a childís ability to believe in themselves is a major factor in helping to form the foundation for their emotional, social, academic, and moral development. However, there are critical elements children need to also have to cultivate true confidence, rather than an arrogance that will form a barrier to happiness their entire life.
Here are some common scenarios you may already be witnessing with your child that indicate a confident child from an arrogant one; or worse, you may be unintentionally instilling the wrong ideas when you are with your child:
1. Confident kids say, "I can do it." Arrogant kids say, "I can do it better than anyone else and thatís the most important thing."
2. Confident kids say, "I am proud of what I accomplished." Arrogant kids say, "Everyone is impressed with what I accomplished."
3. Confident kids say, "I learn from failure." Arrogant kids hide from failure and feel personal shame rather than potential opportunity for growth as a result of mistakes.
4. Confident kids review and assess their own behavior. Arrogant kids perceive others as competition and judge everyone they meet with a judgmental eye.
5. Confident kids are ruled by compassion, viewing everyone with a sense of fair play. Arrogant kids are driven by competition with others and a sense of "its either me or you." They view everyone as a threat on some level.
6. Confident kids are team players and arenít concerned with who gets the glory for success. Arrogant kids focus on being known for their contribution and want to stand out.
7. Confident kids value the opinions of others and actively invite otherís perspectives. Arrogant kids are dismissive and unconcerned about otherís ideas and input.
8. Confident kids decide for themselves if they have met their goal. Arrogant kids wait for outside approval before deciding if their actions were acceptable.
9. Confident kids care deeply about the opinions and support of those around them, but yet ultimately they make their own decisions. Arrogant kids make their choices based solely on how they will appear to others.
10. Confident kids work to support others, even if that means others will be more successful. Arrogant kids are willing to hurt and exclude others in order to achieve their goal.
Thereís much you and your spouse can do to nurture our childrenís lives and to help them become the best they can be. Good parenting is not about how to create little prodigies, but rather itís how to help our children live their lives to the best of their abilities while maintaining compassion, a sense of community, and a true sense of what success is about.
Personal happiness in life comes from being proud of ourselves based on what we want for ourselves and in being true to ourselves. Teach your kids to focus from the inside out rather than from the outside in and your confident child will become a confident adult for life.