4 Practical Solutions to Make Your Second Marriage Fabulous A second marriage is a second chance to get things right. Use these tips to help guide you along the right path. BY SHERRIE CAMPBELL, PH.D.
A second marriage is the second opportunity to get things right.
“ With a conflict-ridden ex-spouse make sure you are providing healthy boundaries and a sense of alliance with each other so your new life can be about the two of you and not the past.”
We are all destined for love, so while the statistics for second marriages aren’t appealing it is possible to make a second marriage work much better than the first. Many people, when they have divorced feel they "failed" and fear the thought of "failing" again. In life there is no failure, there are only learning and growing experiences. When you have taken genuine and thoughtful time to heal after a divorce you develop yourself into the whole, loving and confident person you have always desired to be. This gives you the fighting chance to make your second marriage strong and one that will stand the test of time the second time around. Here are four practical solutions on how to make your second marriage work.
1. Have awareness on why the first marriage ended. Take an honest look at yourself. When you find the answers to this question and you discover your 50 percent contribution to the ending, you will know what in yourself needs to improve and apply to make it better the second time around. You will also know what to avoid. You realize that a successful marriage requires a constant process of adaptation to changes both expected and unexpected that are absolutely going to take place. You also know that when you love yourself and know who you are, you can take on the challenges with clarity, contribution and insight.
2. Share common interests. Those who play together stay together. It’s good to have your differences, but long-term marriages really connect on companionship and common interests. We often see the first marriage became stale and too familiar. This is something that kills attraction and interest. To keep the love alive be active in this second marriage. Get out and have new adventures together.
3. Blending families and dealing with former spouses. Bringing children in from a previous relationship does present deep challenges, as does ongoing conflict with an ex-spouse. With children it is best to ease them into your new marriage gently with an unforced and natural pace. Let them take their time to bond and adjust. With a conflict-ridden ex-spouse make sure you are providing healthy boundaries and a sense of alliance with each other so your new life can be about the two of you and not the past. Remember, love includes and manipulation divides. Add love as the ingredient to the children and boundaries for the ex-spouse.
4. Share common beliefs and values. As we get older we are more mature and this maturity helps us to realize what is really important when it comes to love and commitment. The more aligned you are in important values with your new spouse the easier it is to spend the rest of your lives together because you have a strong foundation to work from.
From the ending of your first marriage you gained the knowledge of why it failed and what you contributed to that failure. If you took the time to heal fully then you have grown into an even more fabulous person than you were the first time around. This makes you clear on how to approach issues in your new marriage.
Staying true to yourself, keeping your own individual life alive and not giving your sense of self up in a second marriage is often what makes it stay spicy and interesting. If you can be yourself and learn to talk openly about issues from the start in your new relationship it increases the likelihood that the marriage will last.
Little Life Message: A successful second marriage requires you to come into it not based out of loneliness but out of self-love, lessons learned and self-confidence.
Dr. Sherrie Campbell is the author of "Loving Yourself" and a licensed psychologist with more than 19 years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life. She is a featured regularly on national online media and has a successful practice in Southern California. Click to get a free article on "Five Ways to Make Love the Common Ground in Your Communication." Receive free insights from Sherrie through her Facebook community. She is a featured expert on a variety of national websites and has a successful practice in Southern California. For more information visit www.sherriecampbellphd.com.