6 Steps to Better Sex Find that fire you once shared by using these tips to reconnect in the bedroom. BY COLIN CHRISTOPHER
If the sex in your marriage isn't what you want, try relaxing and taking the pressure off in order to reconnect.
“ There’s a reason to engage in foreplay: It stimulates both partners' sexuality, lowers inhibitions and increases emotional intimacy. Start seeing sex as a marathon not a sprint.”
One of the biggest pressures both men and women place on themselves in a relationship is when it comes to sex. Their minds are running rampant with all kinds of negative thoughts: What if I’m a terrible lover? What if it doesn’t feel good? What if I don’t last?
For other couples, perhaps sex was once something amazing, but overtime the excitement faded.
Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been married for years the sex can be great. If things aren’t going quite as well as you’d like in the bedroom, try these tips:
1. Stop focusing on sex. The problem might not be physical, but difficulty in the bedroom has two other sources: overthinking it and a lack of an emotional connection. Never force the moment to happen; just let things play out. Don’t plan or schedule sex, and never put any expectations on yourself or your partner. Engage in activities that focus on building up the emotional bond. Sex was so good in the beginning of your relationship because the emotional connection was so strong.
2. Live on the wild side. Instead of the same old night out with your spouse, which may include dinner and a movie, do something wild and exciting. Ride a rollercoaster with your partner, go skydiving or bungee jumping. The excitement and adrenaline rush you experience together will get you hot for each other again.
3. Focus on foreplay. If you and your partner are having sex just for the sake of having sex, and are just going through the motions, you’re doomed from the start. There’s a reason to engage in foreplay: It stimulates both partners' sexuality, lowers inhibitions and increases emotional intimacy. Start seeing sex as a marathon not a sprint. There is a time and place for the quickie, but in general, sex should be slow, thorough and a chance for both partners to give and receive.
4. Relax. An orgasm is indeed euphoric in all ways, and sex naturally reduces stress and relaxes both partners. If your time in the bedroom has lost the spark, both partners should become relaxed before engaging in sex. Cuddle on the couch, feed each other dinner, take a hot shower together, massage and tickle your partner. Being relaxed also leads to a stronger erection for men and increased sensations for women.
5. Tell him what you really want. One of the biggest reasons couples disengage sexually is because they are afraid to speak up and tell their partner what they really want. If you’re serious enough to have a sexual relationship with someone, you should be comfortable communicating your likes and dislikes with your spouse. Be honest and tell each other what works and what doesn’t, new positions or techniques you want to try. This level of sexual awareness will take your emotional and sexual relationships to new heights.
6. Forget about technology. Social media and smartphones have made it more difficult for people to connect on an emotional level. We’ve become a society that relies on e-mail and texting and have forgotten about human to human interaction. Write a good old-fashion letter to your partner telling her how much you love her, how sexy she is and how you can’t wait to seduce her tonight. Pick up the phone and call your spouse for no reason at all, but just to say, "I love you," and "I appreciate everything you do for me."
If all else fails, seek professional help from a mental health professional or sex therapist. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You might just find the sexual energy of yesteryear.