Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Trina Read, is ready to answer your questions.
My husband keeps telling me he wants to have a three-way with another woman. The idea completely turns me off, but I love him and worry he’ll leave me if I don’t. Should I just do it?
You should never compromise your feelings for your husband's fantasy. Period. End of story. You need to feel safe, secure, and respected in your sexual relationship.
Lots of guys (and gals) have threesome fantasies, but few are emotionally capable of seeing their partner bump privates with someone else. Your husband might say he’s okay, but once you’re in the middle of things he might wish he’d never gone there.
To be fair, he might mistakenly—and innocently—think you love his idea. You need to voice your sexual boundaries so he’s crystal clear where you stand.
Tell your husband you’re glad he feels comfortable enough to share his sexual fantasies, that you would enjoy doing fantasy talk; however you’re not comfortable with playing this out.
Bottom Line: If you hate the idea then there would be no way a three-way would be a positive experience for you, your husband, or the third.
A Gentle FYI: If you’re concerned he’d leave you if you don’t fulfill his fantasy, you might want to reevaluate how stable your relationship is.
Great Sex Tip: Your sexuality is fluid. Just because you don’t want to try something today doesn’t mean you won’t get a little more adventurous in the future.
I’ve caught my husband looking at porn a number of times on his computer. I think he’s addicted. What can I do?
The jury is still out whether there is such a thing as sexual addiction. However, there is obsessing over sex and too much of anything is a bad thing; whether that be booze or boobs.
Symptoms of pornography obsession: You need to seek help when his obsession continues despite negative consequences such as a job loss, or significant marriage trouble.
What’s really wrong? These obsessive behaviors present themselves, usually, as an escape from internal discomforts and/or unpleasant realities which are unrelated to sex.
How is this treated? Treatment involves therapy in which an individual is often instructed to abstain from all pornographic materials and sex for 30-90 days.
Individual therapy addresses shame, depression and other issues. Couples therapy helps facilitate forgiveness, rebuilding trust, and relationship issues with anger, resentment and miscommunication.
Your involvement is crucial, as the predictor of relapse is failure of a spouse to be involved in the recovery.
Many 12-step programs, similar to the ones used in Alcoholics Anonymous, exist. Group therapy is another option.
For couples willing to work together on this, the prognosis is good.
Great Sex Tip: Sexual obsession cannot be "cured" and relapse is always possible. Avoid particular people and situations, and use blockers on specific websites.
“You need to seek help when his obsession continues despite negative consequences such as a job loss, or significant marriage trouble.”
I’m really self conscious because I don’t seem to lubricate properly. What can I do?
Some women lubricate buckets while others lubricate very little. There is no rhyme or reason as to why, it’s simply her biological make-up. Certainly nothing to be ashamed about.
It’s time to bring a lubricant into your bedroom.
In a study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine of more than 2,400 women, the use of both water- and silicone-based lubricants was associated with higher ratings of pleasure and satisfaction during sex as compared to no lubricant. This was true for self-pleasuring, vaginal intercourse or anal intercourse.
For those concerned about how lubricant might affect their vagina’s Ph levels, the study found that itching, pain, and burning, were only rarely associated with lubricant use.
Water lubricant was linked to more positive outcomes than the silicone lubricants tested. It should be noted that pleasure and satisfaction ratings were still high even if there was no lubricant used.
Your local drug store has oodles of lubricant. I believe every woman, lubricator or not, should have a bottle of lubricant in her bedside table. Lube makes all sex so much more fun.
Great Sex Tip: Couples trying to conceive may find lubricant (and even saliva) can interfere with sperm movement. If trying to conceive spend more time in foreplay to enhance your own natural vaginal lubrication.
Tips to Improve Female Lubrication
Dr. Trina Read is the founder of VivaXO.com; a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator; and is a best selling author, media expert, syndicated blogger, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. Trina has just launched Sensual Tastes Events, an interactive workshop blending the pleasures of food and sex education. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook.