The Secret to Creating Close, Loving Ties People feel close when they feel heard. Give your attention to these tips and you can become closer to your loved ones. BY LINDA NEWLIN
When you feel like someone is listening to you, you feel closer to them.
“ Being heard and validated for our own experience is the most powerful gift of love there is.”
Most of us need and want more connection and closeness with those in our lives. However, we have many things that keep us separate and distant from them.
What creates closeness and loving connections with those we love?
There are many theories and methods people have touted as keys to creating loving and close relationships; I am reminded by my own 10-year-old "wise one" about what the number one thing is that creates closeness for him and itís being validated and being heard.
Sounds simple and easy, doesnít it? Just listen to your loved ones.
However, it is not so easy to really listen, given our life that we create around us. In order to create closeness and truly listen, I must stop what Iím doing and tune in to the other person.
This requires 100 percent presence and not holding my cell phone, checking e-mails, cooking dinner, working, doing laundry, thinking about what I have to do after this conversation or listening to music. Tuning in to the moment and being fully here, now, is the number one way you can create this type of closeness with a loved one.
It also requires that you donít interrupt and try to fix the problem yourself or fix the person in that moment. It means listening and hearing the person.
How often do people you love actually sit with you and truly give you their undivided attention and hear what you are saying?
This is a gift that brings the closeness you are seeking.
Remember a time when you felt heard and understood? Remember the positive sensations that ran through you and how you felt about that person following that experience?
Being heard and validated for our own experience is the most powerful gift of love there is. For actions always speak louder than words.
So next time donít just say "I love you." Show them you love them by tuning in, really listening and give the present of your presence.