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Why Being a Carbon Copy Couple Is Not Ideal
Why linking your values equally can lead to a better connection and overall happier relationship.


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It's not so important that couples have the same interests, but instead the same values.


Either link your values, shift the conversation or move on, because monologues are almost a sure stop for disappointing or dissatisfying relationships.”
While it's true we need to find a connection if we want to move forward together, it's not necessary for people to cherish all the same things. What's far more important is creating a soulful relationship by learning to link your values with your partner's; then both of you can feel that your inner traits are being honored and served.

One way to know when your values are not linked to each other's are when you encounter one-sided conversations or alternating monologues—when a person is speaking about what's meaningful to him or her while the other's mind is wandering away to his or her own concerns. Either link your values, shift the conversation or move on, because monologues are almost a sure stop for disappointing or dissatisfying relationships.

Be mindful, however, that people's values may change. Certainly, milestones can cause priorities to shift. A life threatening illness, a midlife crisis, or the birth of a child—anything that triggers people to reassess and rethink what's important to them—so it's crucial you continue to talk about your values with those whom you care about.

How to Link Values & Create a Soulful Connection

List your top five values on one side of a piece of paper and write someone else's top five on the other side; ideally someone who is significant to you, such as your spouse—someone you'd love to communicate with more effectively and appreciate more.

Now, think of at least five ways in which the other person's top five values helps you fulfill your first priority. Next, list at least five ways in which your top value helps the other person fulfill theirs.

Continue to go down the list, write down five ways in which each of the other person's values supports your highest value and each item on your list contributes to their number one value. Continue this process for the four remaining items for each person, giving ways in which each one of your values is beneficial for every one of the other person's, and visa versa. When this is done, a new door for communication and (if desired) intimacy is opened.

Dr. John Demartini is a leading authority in human behavior and leadership development. He is an educator, researcher and author that’s developed a series of solutions applicable across all markets, sectors and age groups. His education curriculum ranges from corporate empowerment programs, financial empowerment strategies, self-development programs, relationship solutions and social transformation programs. His presentations whether keynotes, seminars or workshops, leave clients with insights into their behavior and keys to their empowerment. He has shared the stage with Sir Richard Branson, Steven Covey, Deepak Chopra and Donald Trump and been interviewed by the world’s leading media such as Larry King Live, Wall Street Journal and O Magazine (Oprah). Please visit www.drdemartini.com.

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Over 1 million couples turn to Hitched for expert marital advice every year. Sign up now for our newsletter & get exclusive weekly content that will entertain, educate and inspire your marriage.



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