6 Easy Tips to Avoiding Arguments in Your Marriage Avoiding arguments in your relationship takes practice and patience. Here are six tips to help squash the beefs. BY KATIE AND CHRIS VANNIER
Some arguments are just a difference of opinion where neither is right... so stop fighting.
“ Rewording a statement is a simple method for diffusing a possible argument even before it starts.”
Arguments are a natural part of your relationship. It is just a part of our human nature to want to voice our opinion and be right. We feel that if there has to be an argument, then it better be about something important. Here are our six easy tips to avoiding arguments in your marriage.
1. Pick Your Fights
If you find yourself going down the slippery slope into an argument stop and ask yourself, "Is it really worth it?" Does it really matter if you buy the brown eggs or the white eggs? Will it change anything if the grass is mowed today or tomorrow? Can this argument be avoided?
If the argument isn’t about a truly important decision then why is it worth the effort and animosity? Do you really need to be right this time? Just move on, agree with your partner, and get the task done. When it’s over you’ll realize that the argument truly wasn’t worth it. Save your energy for a disagreement that is actually important!
2. Rephrase Your Words
Many arguments stem from poorly worded requests or statements. Simply rephrasing your words can turn an adversarial situation into a cooperative one. Here are a few examples:
You need to take care of the dry cleaning! vs.
I’d really appreciate it if you could bring my clothes to the dry cleaners for me.
Why are you wasting money on new shoes?
I like your new shoes, but I’m concerned purchases like that are going to affect our budget.
Rewording a statement is a simple method for diffusing a possible argument, even before it starts. The best way to do this is by saying it in your head first and asking yourself, "Would I get upset if this was said to me?" If it would upset you, then you should probably rephrase your words to avoid the argument.
3. Don’t Argue Over Text Messages
The marvels of our digital age has made communicating in real time easy—almost too easy. Fighting over text messages is the worst way possible to have an argument. It is too easy to misconstrue words when it’s being read off of a smartphone. You are also more likely to say things in a text, you wouldn’t say in person and the tone of the conversation is easily lost. When you find yourselves getting into a digital argument put an immediate stop to the texts and call each other, or agree to continue the conversation later in person. No-one wins in a digital argument.
4. Silence Is Golden
Is your spouse coming home and complaining about an annoying situation at work? They seem so frustrated and depressed. You feel it is your duty fix the problem for them so you start offering suggestions and solutions to their problems. Now they are arguing with you as to why your suggestions are wrong. All of a sudden you’re in an argument when all you wanted to do was help. As a result, there are two pissed off people at home instead of one.
Next time, just shut up and listen! If your spouse is frustrated, sad, angry, or annoyed just sit and listen to them. Let them vent, give them a hug, stroke their hair, and just be there for them. Sometimes the easiest way to fix a problem for your partner is by doing nothing else but being there for them.
5. Tackle the Problem Together, Not Each Other
When we were planning our wedding there were plenty of decisions we could have argued about. Instead of having a battle of wills we decided to approach the decisions methodically. By working together to solve the problem we didn’t waste energy trying to prove each other wrong.
Focus your efforts on tackling the problem at hand, not on who’s right or wrong. Often times neither of you are 100% right or wrong; put your energy into finding a compromise instead.
6. When It’s Over, Let It Go
You’ve yelled at each other. Stomped your feet. Maybe even cried. You finally decided to get the 1% milk instead of the skimmed. It is time to let it go and put it behind you. Don’t bring up the argument again in 5 minutes, or hours, or days later. Leave it in the past and move on with your lives. There are much better things you can do with your time, like having makeup sex!
Chris and Katie are the Love Tripper's www.lovetripping.com. They have been together for over 9 years, and got married in April 2014. They believe that the key to a healthy long-lasting relationship is constant work and effort. The Love Tripper's share their advice on how to keep that sexy fire burning, avoiding pointless arguments, and finding a deeper love for your partner every day. Love is a trip, enjoy the ride!