Sex Q&A: Is Chatting Cheating? The importance of defining what is acceptable in your relationship online, and tips to feel great naked. BY DR. TRINA READ
If your spouse is chatting with an ex online, is that cheating?
“ Because there are so many sub-categories to cheating, it’s important for couples to discuss their relationship boundaries.”
Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Trina Read, is ready to answer your questions.
I caught my husband chatting on Skype with an old girlfriend. He doesn’t think this is cheating but I do. Who is right?
Twenty-five years ago cheating was a black and white issue: you went behind your spouse’s back and had an affair. Today, cheating can look like a lot of things: emotional, via Skype, sexting, social network messengers and more. Because there are so many sub-categories to cheating, it’s important for couples to discuss their relationship boundaries.
First, give your partner a break; he may not realize he’s behaving inappropriately and needs to understand what is your relationship line.
Next, talk with your husband about what is acceptable in your marriage and create your relationship boundaries. Keep these two things in mind:
(a) A little innocent online flirting is okay—and not all flirting is bad. In fact, a little online flirt can help your spouse feel good about themselves and, hopefully, they will shower you with that wonderful flirt energy.
(b) You probably won’t agree on what constitutes cheating. I guarantee you will both have different ideas about what online cheating means, so negotiating a happy-medium will be key.
Bottom Line: Couples need to adapt because technology is not going away, it's only going to get more sophisticated.
Great Relationship Tip: If you cannot tell you’re spouse what you’re doing online—even if it’s completely innocent and nothing will ever happen—then you shouldn’t be doing it. Period.
I’m really self conscious about my body when I go to the gym. How can I feel better about how I look naked?
For some, the gym change room is a labyrinth of insecurity. For others, it is ground zero for the eradication of body image issues; where else can you see real female bodies in a variety of shapes and sizes?
One study showed that when women looked at the body parts which she associated with femininity—breasts, belly, thighs and buttocks—they evoked the most vivid emotional response.
Here are two suggestions to start loving your body.
(a) Keep going to the gym. A few studies have shown women reporting better mental and physical confidence, stress release and even social connection after a workout.
(b) Bare all. Take a look in the mirror. Completely naked. Starting from the tops of your head going to the bottom of your feet say what you like and dislike about your body. Ask yourself if your negative self-talk is in line with how your body looks.
Great Body Tip: Take a look at where you are in life. If you’ve had a few kids or have gone through menopause then naturally your body has shifted. You might as well accept and love what you have because 20 years from now it’s only going to get worse.
Dr. Trina Read is the founder of VivaXO.com; a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator; and is a best selling author, media expert, syndicated blogger, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. Trina has just launched Sensual Tastes Events, an interactive workshop blending the pleasures of food and sex education. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook.