Easy Ways to Have a Happier Marriage When high levels of appreciation, affection, kindness and intimacy exist, anything can be resolved in a marriage. Here are simple tips to get there. BY JEFF FORTE
Make your marriage happier by doing these simple little things.
“ When you feel more connected to your spouse every aspect of the relationship has a chance to get better.”
What you do every single day when you interact with your partner is either helpful or not helpful in creating a happy marriage. You are either doing things that support what you want or keep it from you. Maybe thatís over simplifying things, but keeping things simple saved my marriage. Itís easy to get caught up and overwhelmed with all the details of disconnect that can happen when you are struggling to find happiness with your spouse.
In order to have a happy, healthy marriage you can start by:
* Focusing only on what you can do. What your partner is or isnít doing can wait. There is a great deal YOU can do to influence your partner differently, but you have to be willing to let go of past hurts.
* Do more of what works to create a deeper sense of connection. When you feel more connected to your spouse every aspect of the relationship has a chance to get better.
Hereís a sample of what works to improve connection in any committed relationship. Itís time to add these important ingredients such as having more fun, lightness, playfulness, sensuality, laughter, intimate banter, whispers, displays of affection, attentiveness, generosity, genuine support, praise, kindness, appreciation, etc.
Anything else that works for you is great. Things like:
* More quiet moments valuing each otherís presence in your life. * More romantic dinners or new experiences together. * Listening without interrupting. * Letting your wife or husband know what you genuinely admire about them. * Having a heartfelt conversation about your commitment to your partner, without asking anything of them.
Remember, all that matters is that it helps you to get more of what you want.
* Avoid doing any of the following things because they donít work. This is a short list of what isnít helpful or supportive to having a happier marriage:
Making demands, holding resentments, anger, avoidance, blame, proving them wrong, hoping theyíll change, derogatory comments, complaints, selfishness, walking on eggshells, etc.
If what you are doing isnít bringing out more of what you want in your spouse, thatís most likely because youíre doing it wrong. You can easily change that by focusing only on what works. Be willing to drop whatever it is that you have been doing that isnít working, and do something else. Until youíre willing to make adjustments, there will not be any change in your partner.
Thatís the truth you may not want want to hear.
To change any aspect of your marriage, first requires a real change in what you do.
If youíre not willing to accept that, itís perfectly ok. You already know that unhappy marriages wreak havoc on both partners physically and emotionally. You could choose to expand what you do, and focus only on what works to create the happiness and intimate connection you want.
Bonus Tip: Soften your tone of voice. This all by itself, is beneficial and supportive to your happiness. You could easily and intentionally soften your tone of voice in every interaction with your spouse because that does help. Harsh voice tones definitely are antithetical to staying connected.
Jeff Forte is an expert in Relationship Dynamics, Divorce Prevention and Marriage Repair, and the author of "The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle," where you can find immediately helpful ideas that will work to quickly to increase connection. He has the expertise to help couples resolve their marriage conflicts even when traditional couples counseling has failed. For a complimentary consultation to get his insights on your situation visit www.90minutemarriagemiracle.com or email firstname.lastname@example.org.