Does Working on Couple Communication Prevent Divorce? Being able to listen to your spouse without interruption isn't going to get the relationship results you want. BY JEFF FORTE
To keep your marriage strong you need to do more than simply talk at each other.
“ The behaviors that impact the feelings of partner connection have to change, or the marriage cannot improve.”
Married couples all want the same things: To be happy, feel deeply connected, shared affection, intimacy and passion, feel love, trust and have great communication.
Here’s what stops it from happening; people don’t know what to do to keep these things alive for a lifetime—and they keep making unintentional mistakes with each other, resulting in nearly 1 million divorces each year in the U.S.
Ready for the truth? If your marriage isn’t happy… * You either want to solve the real problem, or keep it.
* And if you don’t know what the real problem is, you will keep it.
Any dream you had about marriage will end either officially or for all practical purposes the dream will leave you: * Little to no affection, or intimacy.
* More misunderstandings and disconnect.
* Feeling isolated or betrayed.
And when disappointment settles in, things tend to get worse. Unfortunately, this is the status of many marriages in the U.S. all because the real issues remain unresolved.
For example, if you think the problem is communication, as most couples do, you can learn how to listen better and to tell me what you heard me say, waiting patiently for your turn to talk. Then you can tell me how you feel, and I can replay what I heard you say, to clarify that I understand you. And we can continue like this…
Unfortunately, it doesn’t solve the real issues that cause couples to separate and divorce.
* For what reasons have I set aside my life to be with you?
* Are my actions and behaviors toward you demonstrating deep caring?
* Do I like the way it feels when I’m with you?
* Do I like who I am when I’m with you?
* Do I feel self-confident when we’re together and not diminished?
* Can I freely be myself around you without feeling judged or wrong?
These are not simple communication issues that are solved taking our conversational turns. The behaviors that impact the feelings of partner connection have to change or the marriage cannot improve. For actions to change, you don't just have to hear what your spouse is saying, but comprehend their desires. Great communication skills provide this level of understanding, but to make true change in your marriage you need to put the conversations into action.
More things about love that matter:
* When we are alone together, do we feel deeply connected with each other?
* Is our sexual chemistry high?
* Are we aligned on the things that matter to both of us?
* Do we have a shared vision of the future?
To what degree am I a priority in your life?
You either know the real issues, and know the real solutions or the struggle continues. As you know, feeling deeply connected as a couple is a very beautiful thing. That’s worth working on and sustaining; but it will not happen just by talking about it.
Jeff Forte is an expert in Relationship Dynamics, Divorce Prevention and Marriage Repair, and the author of "The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle," where you can find immediately helpful ideas that will work to quickly to increase connection. He has the expertise to help couples resolve their marriage conflicts even when traditional couples counseling has failed. For a complimentary consultation to get his insights on your situation visit www.90minutemarriagemiracle.com or email firstname.lastname@example.org.