Sex Q&A: How Long Before Sex After Baby and Naughty Fantasies Will a mom ever want sex again after having a baby? How should a wife bring up and act out a fantasy? Dr. Read has answers. BY DR. TRINA READ
It's normal for new mothers to not want to have sex, but beware that it doesn't become the normal for the rest of your life.
“ It’s important to make efforts to have sex or at the very least a space for connected intimacy on a regular basis.”
Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Trina Read, is ready to answer your questions.
It’s been a year since I’ve had my baby and I never feel like having sex. Am I normal?
Very normal. Quite frankly, why would you feel like having sex? All the changes to your body’s hormones, the sheer exhaustion, and feeling overwhelmed are in no way an aphrodisiac.
That said, the first two years after baby couples often create poor sex habits, which will make for an unhappy sex life many years after… instigating a lot of unnecessary fights. It’s important to make efforts to have sex or at the very least a space for connected intimacy on a regular basis.
Three easy things to remember:
Sex doesn’t have to mean intercourse:
There are a ton of fun things you can do—a bath or massage—if intercourse is presently a turn off.
Intimacy outside the bedroom:
Make sure to be affectionate every day as it keeps you feeling connected.
Make sure your partner knows what you want:
He isn’t a mind reader and will be happy to accommodate your needs. If you need pampering to get you in the mood, explain in detail what you want. The more he knows, the easier it will be for him to follow through with your wishes.
Great Sex Tip: When you make an effort to keep sex on the radar, it does get easier and better over time.
I want to act out a naughty fantasy with my guy, how do I start/bring it up?
Fantasies are an easy way to add incredible zest to any sexual encounter.
Some fantasies are better left in your imagination as they are too intricate to act out. Many men often fantasize about a threesome and are inevitably disappointed when it doesn’t turn out like their well choreographed daydream.
However, if your fantasy is about seducing the FedEx guy when he delivers a "package" to your door, then by all means go for it.
If you’ve never acted out a fantasy before, it’s important to talk it through with your partner. And, hey, just talking about it will make you both hot and horny.
Make a date. As this is your fantasy, you need to do all the leg work—i.e., buy outfits, accoutrements, etc.—to set it up. Then give your partner very detailed instructions of how you want the fun to unfold.
Finally, let the party begin. Don’t be surprised if it takes a few tries before you feel comfortable enough to lose yourself in the fantasy. Don’t give up. If you stick to it soon enough you’ll be lost in hot sex land.
Great Sex Tip: Start with an easy fantasy, like meeting and seducing a "stranger" in a bar, before moving into more complicated ideas.
Dr. Trina Read is the founder of VivaXO.com; a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator; and is a best selling author, media expert, syndicated blogger, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. Trina has just launched Sensual Tastes Events, an interactive workshop blending the pleasures of food and sex education. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook.