Oh, how I love that we can write and discuss these types of topics. We need to talk about sex and lovemaking a lot more. My theory: We would be doing it and enjoying it a lot more if we did.
My sexuality has been connected to fun and playfulness for most of my adult life and all of my married life. Sex has been plentiful and me and the hub’s know how to get down to biz. When I entered into a spiritual awakening in the summer of 2014, my feelings about sex and lovemaking started to shift.
It was uncomfortable for me, which is almost always a step in the right direction, by the way.
Before we talk about consciousness, you might wonder why I separated lovemaking from sex. Is there a difference? Does it even matter? There will probably always be debate over the semantics. I am happy to add more thought to this discussion. Obviously, I see them as two different things so we’ll start with my definition of cosmic sex.
Cosmic sex happens when your connection and chemistry is magnetic—like you cannot pull yourselves apart once you’ve touched. You have an invisible and intangible yet obvious and palpable, synergistic energy between the two of you that is easily ignited by a touch or even a glance. You might not even describe intercourse or foreplay as love-filled, but the experience sends you into another universe.
In fact, the connection is so strong that you can find yourself aroused within seconds of thinking about the two of you together. You might get a sense that you’ve traveled many lifetimes and done this before. You might feel like the two of you were brought together partly to experience this explosive sexual chemistry because it’s undeniable.
Cosmic sex is intercourse in the cosmos. It is effortless. Both of you escape into each other’s bodies in an erotic and almost out-of-body-experience. There is no beginning or end during the interaction. It’s a constant flow of energy that is not driven by either of you, but instead by a bigger universal connection. Each body part, when touched, feels like it’s on fire and it can almost feel overwhelming.
Yes, it’s the fireworks we often hear about.
Conscious lovemaking is equally magnificent, but it’s more of a transcendental and transformative interaction in the most deep (no pun intended) and intimate way.
In both cases, unlike recreational sex during which you are basically using each other’s bodies for pleasure, they require a commitment in mind, body and soul. With conscious lovemaking, however, there is a direct desire to please your partner and help him or her feel the most intense and pleasurable experience possible. There is more conscious thought behind what you do to and for each other. Your joy results from his or her’s. Intercourse reminds you of your bond and the feeling of oneness. You sense yourself “giving over” and opening up to the other part of you - your spouse.
“With conscious lovemaking, however, there is a direct desire to please your partner and help him or her feel the most intense and pleasurable experience possible.”
The two of you will feel an incredibly strong connection. You may or may not feel like soul mates. It brings feelings of security, comfort, affirmation, oneness, deep love, admiration and wholeness—not completeness, mind you. And, not to digress too much, but you can be in love or simply "love" your spouse and have a long and satisfying marriage as life partners, by the way.
In order to have conscious lovemaking, you both need to be conscious of your body and your thoughts, but in a way that gives you zen-like mindfulness. Not a mind-full-of-mess (or, mind chatter). For example, take time with your spouse and with yourself to see which parts of your body feel more erotic or where and how both of you would best react to touch and sensuality.
Try starting by telling each other what you love about him or her; what he or she does (or how she does it) that make you feel special and helps you feel aroused. And, here’s another important aspect to higher consciousness in relation to making love—nothing is forced. If either of you is having an off night—for real—then there is a sense of respect and patience around knowing that you will have plenty of more opportunities. If one of you really needs it, you make a conscious decision to take care of your spouse’s needs.
Conscious lovemaking is being fully in the moment and being okay if something doesn’t feel right or "go right" because it’s not about the end result, but simply about the process of joining together on a soul level with love, compassion and vulnerability. Conscious lovemaking is more of a give and receive in a beautiful, unselfish, loving manner. It’s really love-giving.
I have a mantra and an affirmation that I sometimes use when my mind feels full but I want to match my husband’s needs. I remind him to take time and truly feel his penis start to enter me so that as our skin touches, we are both conscious of the feelings and sensations. Any stroking is done with the intention of both of you feeling the most minute of sensations. Kissing? So powerful. Use to explore each other in a new way.
“Conscious lovemaking is more of a give and receive in a beautiful, unselfish, loving manner. It’s really love-giving.”
One other note. Do you either of you use names for your genitalia? I suggest replacing those with "me" or "my dick" or "my clit" etc., so that you are not creating a third person entity. Okay, here I go with something quite personal, but I think it’s good. One of mine is "your tongue, my clit—we are one." And, I also visualize my sacral chakra filling up with bright orange sexually—charged energy all the way to filling my heart chakra and both our hearts merged together.
I honestly believe that a strong and beautiful marriage can have either conscious lovemaking or cosmic sex or both because we are bonded and we travel together for different reasons. Even further, I think you can go back and forth between the two depending upon how you use foreplay, the environment (meaning a hotel room, after watching a steamy movie, seeing your spouse excel in an area that’s a turn on for you or listening to seductive music, etc.) and what’s going on your lives at the moment.
In the simplest of terms you can look at these two terms this way:
Cosmic sex is a current of energy and a magnetic attraction, fiercely charged and explosive with an almost unexplainable chemistry and vibration. It’s an exotic escape in which you jump into the car without really knowing where it’s going, but you don’t care and you totally lose track of the scenery along the way.
Conscious lovemaking is a more deliberate act of expressing your love for each other in ways that create unity and bonding. It’s a trip of exploration with a bit of planning and thought. You don’t know exactly where you are going, but you know how you want your spouse to feel on the way and when you arrive. And, you are definitely paying attention to the scenery and noticing all the details.
Tina Arana Anderson, M.A., is a media and wellness specialist and spiritual mentor. She combines her media and wellness experience with spiritual mentoring and intuitive guidance. She’s an angel therapist, clairvoyant and clairaudient as well as a writer, host and producer. Her ultimate gift is helping you with high vibrational, joy-filled living; deep inner-peace and lots of levity. For project collaborations, parties or private sessions, contact her at tinaandersonOC.com.