6 Ways to Prevent Marriage Burnout It can be difficult to focus on your relationship when you are personally drained. Here are guilt-free tips to rejuvenate yourself and marriage. BY JOËLLE AMOUROUX-HUTTNER
Don't let monotony in your relationship kill your marriage.
“ You cannot protect yourself and love at the same time.”
A relationship burns out when there is no more energy to give. A relationship should have energy, hopefully positive energy, but sometimes the energy runs out. When that occurs the simplest path for people is to go into avoidance mode (leaving the relationship) in order not to trigger troubling emotions: fear of not being loved, of being rejected, of not being enough—or they will fight those same emotions in a desperate attempt to save the marriage.
It is desperate because when actions are driven by fear, the person’s main aim is protection and not resolution. You cannot protect yourself and love at the same time. Love is about being open and about trust. However, if you continue giving out energy to the marriage without replenishing your own batteries regularly you are going to get into trouble at some point.
To avoid a relationship burnout, here are six strategies you can implement:
Love yourself. Know that you are lovable and that you are enough. It may seem simple, but for most people those deep fears mentioned above will trigger a chain reaction where they focus on themselves. Take time to look at those fears and realize that they have no foundation. Make sure you know your triggers and avoid them.
Remember what makes you happy and make sure to make it part of your daily routine. Simple little things like a smile of a child or remembering a fantastic day with your partner. It does not matter what it is, just make sure you experience happiness on a daily basis. By being happy, you will replenish your emotional batteries and you will therefore bring a happier self to the relationship. This in turn will make your husband or wife feel happier too. Remember a relationship is a system. If one wheel of the cog jams, the whole system is likely to come to a stop.
Don’t forgot your own needs, which are as important as the needs of your relationship and/or your spouse. You need to take care of yourself. Sleep, healthy food, exercise, and intellectual stimulation are all essential to your wellbeing. While your relationship is essential, it requires you to give energy to it. If you neglect those basic needs, you run the risk of exhausting the energy you have to give. Replenish your personal batteries so that you can feed the marriage.
Don’t push away your family and friends in order to focus solely on your marriage. You have to keep those other relationships in your life alive and grounded. They bring you balance which will provide you with a more positive perspective on your union.
Look for the positive. When the "honeymoon" period of a relationship fades away, we tend to forget what we found so appealing in the other to start with. Reality sets in, and we tend to only focus on what we cannot stand in our spouse. We have to make a conscious effort to remember what we found so endearing initially. Yes, those qualities are still there. We have just forgotten about them. Remember.
Go on a date with your husband or wife with one rule: You are not to talk about the mundane boring stuff. It is so easy to go out and spend the whole time talking about the problems that are going on in your life. It is draining! Remember back to those first dates. You probably did not focus on the parts of your life that were not going quite right. You probably tried to put your best side forward. Well, it is time to remember how it worked, then reapply whatever it was in those first dates that started your relationship.
Remember, if you have depleted your "relationship batteries," you cannot expect to be happy in it. You need to work at recharging those batteries for yourself first so that you can keep the relationship energy flow going for both of you.
Joelle Amouroux-Huttner is a life coach specializing in burnout. She helps people to consistently flourish and become stronger, more assured in their choices. They go from strength to strength and they take on bigger challenges confidently. If you need a boost in confidence, then Joelle is the coach for you. Joelle holds an MBA, she is a accredited Life Coach and accredited advanced EFT practitioner. For more info visit Joelle’s website www.joellespractice.com or her Facebook page.