5 Real Reasons Couples Separate Having a lasting relationship starts with a foundation of mutual expectations. BY JEFF FORTE
Don't let anything get between you and your spouse, particularly early on in your relationship.
“ What you do and fail to do for your partner will always be reflected in the outcome of your relationship.”
It’s easy to feel attracted to someone. But that doesn’t mean the relationship will last.
When the feelings of connection start to diminish, the foundation of the relationship begins to crumble. Without an understanding of why that’s happening, or the right help, things are likely to get worse.
Here are 5 Real Reasons Couples Separate:
1. Whether your love is deep enough for each other.
The feelings of chemistry and deep connection that create higher levels of devotion also mute conflicts. That must be shared. One person may be head-over-heels in love and willing to do anything for their partner, only to find they get very little back. That wears thin quickly.
2. Whether you are on the same page about what’s most important to you both.
When you are out of alignment on the things that matter, they will become a never ending source of conflict. These always revolve around which partner is more right, and which partner is more important. There is no remedy when you are caught up in proving you are right and your partner is wrong. No one wins.
3. Whether you are mature enough to share your life with another person.
Not everyone is ready to be in a committed long term relationship. They think they are, but still might want to feel independent based on how they define it—often at direct odds with their partner’s rules for love. Lasting intimate relationships are not; love when I feel like it, and tantrums. A high level of commitment is required for the relationship to last. A willingness to get love or sex is not the same as giving and initiating what’s needed.
4. Whether you are with each other for meaningful reasons or superficial ones.
The reasons that couples get together often come from a fantasized ideal about relationships. The right person matters far more than any reason: They will make me happy, I want a family, They are successful, They are extremely attractive, The sex is great, The have lots of potential, I don’t want to be alone, It’s easier than dating and I said I would get married by age 31. These are not lasting reasons to be together.
5. Whether you are willing to accept each other imperfections.
None of us is perfect, but it’s easier to see your partner’s imperfections. When you focus on what’s missing or everything they do wrong, you miss all their great qualities. The longer you focus on those things that bug you, the less you will be able to see what you loved.
Ask yourself, will you be more in love or less, by the end of the year? Will you feel more deeply connected or more separate?
What you do and fail to do for your partner will always be reflected in the outcome of your relationship. In today’s digitally distracted world, couples tend to neglect each other far more than they realize. It easily leads to disconnect, unhappiness, emotional and physical affairs, and divorce. It doesn't have to be that way.
Jeff Forte CSIC, CME author of "The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle" and founder of PEAK Results Coaching is an Executive and Peak Performance Coach specializing in team and relationship dynamics. His clients include Fortune 500 Executives, Business Professionals, Attorneys, Surgeons, Professional Athletes, Teams and Couples. For more information visit 90MinuteMarriageMiracle.com.