Sex Q&A: How to Bring Back the Fun in the Bedroom It's common for couples to get into a sex rut. Here's how to reignite the excitement. BY DR. TRINA READ
Sex is fun! Don't forget to laugh and smile and explore to keep your sex life out of a rut.
“ Does this make you want to run to the bedroom and throw off your clothes? Yawn. Me neither.”
Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Trina Read, is ready to answer your questions.
My sex life has definitely hit a rut. What can I do to make it fun?
You have so many options the hard part will be choosing. The trick is you have to: (1) figure out new ideas; (2) be willing to break your sex routine and; (3) not take your sex so seriously.
Let’s look at the average couple’s bedroom sex scene. They have: very little to no talking, no changing up of the old and tired sex routine, certainly no laughing, no toys, no games, no nothing.
Does this make you want to run to the bedroom and throw off your clothes? Yawn. Me neither. Curling up with a favorite book elicits more stimulation. It is easy to understand why, over time, kids, work, or hobbies often take precedent.
To change your sex routine, here’s a few pointers:
* Talk. If you don’t talk about what’s going on in your sex life it will never change.
* Understand the problem.
* Separate the nonsexual issues from the sexual ones. What are the facts—not emotions—around any sexual challenges?
* Teach each other new sexual techniques.
Everyone’s version of what constitutes a good time is different. Hence, creating a fun-space means sitting down and discussing what the two of you find enjoyable and, more importantly, how you will make time.
Sex Tip: For inspiration, there’s a plethora of sex books at your local bookstore that give step-by-step instructions.
Is it true that scent can get me in the mood for sex?
Scent certainly can help. Scent is the only sense out of the five that can bypass the rational brain and go straight to the limbic system, which is also in charge of your memory and emotions.
That means you have a cache of "scent memory," which has the power to trigger and pull you through a past event, eliciting the same guttural emotional response. It’s these scent memories that can have a beneficial effect on your arousal.
Here are some things we know are scientifically true about scent:
* No two people smell the same odor the same way.
* A person never experiences one smell the same way twice.
* Your ability to detect odors changes daily and depends on your physiological condition.
* You have the ability to distinguish 10,000 individual scents.
Scientists have been studying scent and found the winner for men was a combination of lavender and pumpkin pie, producing a 40 percent increase in arousal. Women preferred baby powder and a combination of Good and Plenty licorice candy with cucumber.
Great sex tip: Why scent works to increase your libido is a little fact and a little hocus-pocus. If it gets you jacked up and good to go, that’s all that really matters.
Dr. Trina Read is the founder of Business of Sex, a marketing company that helps adult product companies and sex educators market and monetize their business. Trina has a degree in business, a doctorate in sexology, and is a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator; a best selling author, media expert, syndicated blogger, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook.