       |
||||
10 tips
6 Ways to Have Toned Arms and Legs at Any Age
10 Tips For Traveling Husbands to Keep Their Marriage Strong
Getting Your Child To Sleep—And Stay In Bed
Dealing With 3 Common (Difficult) In-Law Scenarios
How to Plan a Romantic Backyard Picnic for Two
 Diane Gottsman / The Protocol School of Texas  Rogers and Gala Creative Partners, LLC  Cory B. Honickman  The Marital Intimacy Show |
Saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it. Use these 10 tips to really show how you feel.
BigStockPhoto
Wishing the issue will go away is never as effective as a sincere apology. |
On varying levels, we can all relate to the feelings of hurt and betrayal, especially when the person who has caused the pain is our spouse. If hurt feelings are not acknowledged, the end result can often be damaging and destructive to the marriage. Whether the action is an egregious offense such as infidelity or a minor infraction such as forgetting to take out the trash, knowing how to say, "I’m sorry" is a very important element in the healing process. A sincere apology takes time, thought and effort.
Here are some simple, yet effective ways to really make an apology the right way.
1. An apology should be offered in person, face-to-face, in a quiet place with little disturbance. Your undivided time and attention is necessary when offering a heartfelt apology. Pick a time of day that you do not have get back to work or pick up the kids from school. Conversation after an apology is generally a relationship builder.
2. Focus on the other person’s feelings and needs. Remember that the apology is not about how bad you feel, but about how your actions have harmed the other person.
3. Be ready to offer a plan of action, such as counseling or behavior modification to rectify the situation. Admitting guilt, showing remorse and offering a promise of change should always accompany an apology.
4. Don’t trivialize the damage. Just because the offense was not significant to you doesn’t mean it’s not worthy of an apology. "It’s not a big deal" is not a good response when attempting to make amends with your spouse.
5. Excuses are not welcome in a heartfelt apology. Any time an apology ends with "but" the entire effort is negated. "I’m sorry that you feel this way" is a thinly veiled translation of, "I’m not doing anything to change."
6. Always include the reason for the apology. Doing this shows you are taking responsibility for your actions and are aware of the behavior that caused pain.
7. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness. "How many times do I need to say I’m sorry?" is not an empathetic question. By the way, the answer is, "As long as it takes!" An apology does not immediately right the wrong.
8. In the case of an affair, your world is no longer off limits. Understand that you may have apologized, but the trust is broken. Until you have proven otherwise, your e-mail, cell phone and friendships are an open book. Perhaps not forever, but for now.
9. An apology does not have a lifetime warranty. Just because you apologized once about one situation doesn’t mean that you don’t ever have to apologize again for other reasons. Saying, "I’m sorry" is a character builder and has the power to build relationships and heal friendships.
10. Ask how you can make the situation better. By saying, "What can I do to fix this?" you are expressing your desire to atone for your lack of good judgment or thoughtless behavior.
A well thought out apology can save a job, repair a friendship and heal a broken marriage. Follow these simple rules and forgiveness will follow.
**Read: How to Accept an Apology**
Diane Gottsman, a nationally recognized etiquette expert, is the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in etiquette training for corporations, universities and individuals, striving to polish their interpersonal skills. You can reach Diane at 877-490-1077 or www.protocolschooloftexas.com.
Do you have a question for one of our experts? Do you want to make a comment about this article? Enter your information below and click "Submit".
