Apparently sex is fun. I say apparently because a lot of people don’t seem to have much fun during sex. Or at least the feedback I get from longer-term couples is that sex has become stale to the point of boring. In fact, a billion dollar-plus industry was created to show couples how to spice up their sex life and make it a little more exciting.

I was doing an interview with a reporter from Cosmopolitan magazine. The premise focused around how a woman could be more present during her sexual experience? For which I am a zealous advocate.

Justifiably to give the article balance, the reporter interviewed a few other experts. One felt that in order to have a full and transported sexual experience everyone taking part had to be silent.

The New York reporter asked for my reaction or feelings towards silent sex. Unfortunately, my media-trained sensor to stupid questions was shut off and my laughing blurted response was, “You’re joking!”

“Oh, no, no, no,” the reporter sincerely replied. She politely explained that sex without the moaning and groaning as a distraction allows the couple to really focus and zone-in on what is going on. Therefore, silence enables the couple to be fully and completely present with their lover. “Riiiiight,” I replied cautiously while thinking, “Or go to sleep quicker.”

I believe different opinions make the world go around. Maybe some young ladies reading that Cosmopolitan article will find true Zen happiness in silent sex. Yet, I cannot help but think how too many people want to break out of that dull sex trap.

The couples who I admire and model my own marriage after, the ones who have a great relationship and great sex over the long term are far from silent. Moreover, every day they laugh, play and most importantly have fun together—loud and proud.

In particular, one girlfriend's life journey has given her more ups and downs than smooth rides. She has every right to complain, but she instead refuses to take life a too seriously.

The result? She really enjoys sex. She believes sex is a treat. It is one of the few times in her challenging life that she can have a good old belly laugh and play like she did when she was young. In her words, “Sex is my grown up fun time.”

I wish I could duplicate whatever sex-is-fun DNA gene she was given at birth, so I could inject the secret sex formula into millions of couples. Then, as Yoda would say, “A very rich woman, I would become.”

Yet experiencing this joie de vivre of sex is not a lifelong pilgrimage only the worthy will find; as some books I have read would like you to believe. It is just the opposite. It’s as simple as lightening up the atmosphere in your bedroom.

Let’s look at the average couple’s serious bedroom sex scene. They have: very little to no talking, no changing up of the old and tired sex routine, certainly no laughing, no toys, no games, no nothing. Just silent sex.

Does this make you want to run to the bedroom and throw off your clothes? Yawn. Me neither. Curling up with a favorite book elicits more stimulation. It’s easy to understand why over time a couple’s priorities such as kids, work, or hobbies often take precedent because these activities are plainly more inspiring.

How can you create grown up fun with your partner? Not to be a copout, however, everyone’s version of what constitutes a good time is different. Creating a fun-space means sitting down with your partner and talking about what the two of you find enjoyable and how you will make time.

Please do not feel overwhelmed or the need to reinvent the wheel. There are hundreds of people who have already figured this out for you. Off the top of my head, I can list ten couple’s bedroom games that are meant to incite romance. There are a plethora of books at your local bookstore that give step-by-step instructions.

There are so many options, the hard part for you will be choosing. The trick for you is finding the will to break the silent sex routine and not take your lifelong sex so seriously.

Sex is deeply meaningful. Being able to have grown-up fun time makes sex more enjoyable and therefore becomes something you will want to experience often.

Dr. Trina Read has a doctorate in human sexuality. Dr. Read is also an international speaker and offers a free sex audio tip weekly on her website www.trinaread.com/t-sextips.