I have a cool job. I get to imagine and then sell amazing love products. My husband bought in to the concept because he, of course, gets to be the primary tester. This is a real perk in a love products company. I’ve learned a lot about product formulation and ingredients over the years, but even more inspiring is what I’ve learned about love and marriage.

So, here is the big key I wish someone had told me years ago: the more you love your partner, the more loving they become. Ever since I started this little love business, our marriage has improved steadily and our sex life is better than any other married couple I know.

The Products
Love products are an essential part of any good marriage and make great nightstand reminders to love each other. Good love products that are made with natural ingredients should invite the healthy exploration of touch and scent that can often be a more easily understood form of communication. Sometimes it’s good to give our words and voices a rest and let our bodies lead us through communicating and bonding. In fact, after decades of marriage, I would say that it’s through the physical conversations that I connect with my husband best in ways words can’t express. This connection is where sex becomes making love.

Good love products should make touching, kissing and smelling each other better. They should be made with natural ingredients that actually interact with your brain and don’t leave a nasty or sticky residue on your skin. The products you use for love should make you feel like you’re loving yourself. And as far as I am concerned, petro-chemicals should be left out of the mix.

Surprisingly, over 90 percent of over-the-counter lubes available are made with chemicals designed first for cars and/or oven cleaner. Many women have severe reactions to these products and because they’re all made with the same base ingredients, many women come to the false conclusion that they don’t like sex. It’s not that you don’t like sex—it’s the products.

Scent
Scent is the most basic reflex we have when it comes to sexual attraction. Try and imagine kissing someone who smells bad to you. Love products that capitalize on true scent are actually waking up the limbic part of your brain, where memory, sexuality and emotion are stored. The gentle nudge of scents gets that arousal mechanism going and after kissing and massaging with aphrodisiac scents, your imagination (which is a really important sex organ) lets loose. Cleopatra knew this; she was known to make love on a bed of rose petals 10 inches deep.

Lubrication
Lubrication is at the core of good feelings in sexuality. When you are young and fit, it’s a natural mechanism that just happens, reminding you that you feel sexy. As we age and experience more of life’s cycles (kids, nursing, illnesses and some medications) we often don’t get those messages from our body. If you can apply a good and natural lube to your body and wake up those arousal feelings yourself, then you’ll be incredibly satisfied. Remember this, anything that is oiled, wet, slick and smooth feels sexier than that same body part dry.

Wendy Strgar is the founder of GoodCleanLove.com, which provides products and advice for sustainable love. If you have questions about products or toys send them in and Wendy will be happy to share her knowledge.