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Why Crying is a Turnoff to Your Husband
A new study reveals that women shedding tears, even the good ones, have an effect on men.


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A new study shows that women emit a chemical that turns men off when they cry.


Many women cry to release stress and sadness. Having a good cry—hence the term—actually serves the same purpose as its counterpart, laughter. Even though women around the globe have been suppressed and silenced (many still are) and are still finding their individual voices, there are a few points women need to know about crying:

* How tears are perceived at the workplace
* What tears do to men

A new study from the Weitzmann Institute of Science in Israel asserts that emotional tears in women emit a chemical, which reduces sexual arousal while lowering testosterone levels in men.

Most husbands in a marriage want to protect, support and be approved by the woman he’s married and those tears are a sign that he is not succeeding, which makes him feel a bit ashamed. Take a look at it this way: When you laugh at your man’s jokes, it elevates his status and is a big turn on for him. Therefore, when you need to criticize your spouse, keep it short and simple—this insures he will listen. Take the intensifiers out of your voice, stick to the point (no more than two minutes or you digress) and don’t use extreme words like, "You never help around the house." If you can sugarcoat the message with a little humor, he will laugh at your remark, which will elevate your status at home. This levels the playing field for respectful compromise.

As for the workplace, women who cry are perceived as hysterical, unable to handle criticism or that time of the month when "they might be emotionally unstable." I’m not suggesting that women suppress their feelings or grievances, rather to communicate better by thinking about how their words will be received as opposed to being tuned the "turnoff."

Here are seven tips on how to stop the water works:

1. Manage the small stressors you can do something about because they create a tipping point, which will overwhelm your emotional balance.

2. Move out the bad mood. When you feel like you are going to lose it, take a walk outside in the light, or do so some exercise in a discreet area: calf raises, wall pushups, chair squats or walk up and down the stairs will help.

3. Practice self-hypnosis regularly to activate an automatic calming response—it takes just three minutes! Begin by breathing to your own natural rhythm. When you are upset, your breathing is more rapid and shallow, so inhale two counts through the nose and exhale four counts through the nose to slow it down. Then imagine your happy place on earth (always go to the same location—beach, mountains, etc.) Use your five senses to experience it: hear the sounds, smell the fragrance, touch, taste and see it in living color. Finally, give yourself a message you need to hear (the message changes based on need) like, "I am restored to serenity." It will feel like a mini-vacation.

4. Make sure to eat balanced meals. Often people grab coffee and sugary foods, which create surges in blood sugar and then you feel the crash. Food and mood correlate highly, even the order in which you eat your food. Eat complex carbs to help release serotonin and improve your mood, followed by lean proteins for intellectually driven tasks.

5. Bad moods are contagious, both at home and at work so move away in these moments from the colleague, supervisor or your spouse who may be dishing out negativity. Speak to someone positive and upbeat.

6. Listen to criticism. Evaluate it with statements like, "Is that true?" If it is, ask for suggestions and make plans to implement those statements into your daily life—you must separate who you are from what you do. If it is not true, then bring documentation and present the facts when you are less stressed.

7. Lastly, and so eloquently put, don’t take yourself and everyone else so seriously.

Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of "Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life," "Changing Habits: The Caregivers' Total Workout" and "Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul," a stress-reduction specialist, a radio show host and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com.


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