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The Fear of Love
Is the fear of loving yourself and those around you ruining your life. See why you might be afraid to look on the bright side of things.


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You choose to look at the world through the lens of your choice. Select love.


Fear is the great spoiler of joy: lingering from the moment your alarm clock rings in the morning to the time you set it for the next day. Fear stands in the way of enjoyment, peace and serenity. Fear runs enormous portions of our lives—often without us realizing it—and causes great internal damage.

And this fear shows itself in simple everyday instances that begin to takeover your life, for example:

* You set the alarm, because you're afraid you'll get up late. Instead you should be thinking that you set the alarm because you care about your well-being so much, you want to face the day in a timely fashion.

* You shower and apply deodorant because you're afraid you'll offend others if you don't, but your reasoning should be that you shower and apply deodorant because being clean and smelling nice feels good to you.

* You drive the speed limit because you're afraid the cop three cars behind will give you a ticket if you go any faster. The real reason should be that you drive the speed limit because you know that the speed limit was created to keep us all safe, yourself included, and you value your life and that of others.

* You eat rabbit-food for lunch because you're afraid you'll get fat if you eat anything else, but deep down the real reason you eat your carefully selected rabbit-food for lunch should be because you value your health and enjoy looking a certain way.

* You rush home to take care of the kids or spouse because you're afraid if you don't they'll get in trouble or be angry or feel neglected. However, they know, as well as you should that you get home without rushing in time to take care of the kids or spouse because you enjoy taking care of and interacting with your loved ones.

If any of these scenarios sound similar to you, please, don't despair. There is an alternative, and it’s within all of us: Love. And not the mushy airy-fairy concept of "love," but a very real, practical, down to earth valuing of yourself and others that can literally transform your life and your marriage if you stop focusing on the negative aspects of your daily routine and look to the positive ones instead.

Remember that the content of your day doesn't change. You still get up at 7:00 a.m., shower, go to work and so forth. What changes is how you view what you’re doing. You do that by systematically asking yourself throughout the day, "Am I doing this because I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't? Or am I doing this out of love for myself or others, or to create pleasure, enjoyment and good feelings?"

It’s the latter that you must follow in order to maintain a healthy and positive outlook on your marriage, family and other close relationships. Make the choice for love, and watch your life transform, as if by magic, before your very eyes.

Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D., is a relationship expert, popular speaker in the U.S. and abroad, and author of nine best-selling books, including her most recent, "Your Man is Wonderful" and "Dangerous Relationships." Dr. Nelson focuses on how we can all enjoy happy, fulfilling lives while accomplishing great things in love, at home and at work, as we appreciate ourselves, our world and all others. For more, visit www.drnoellenelson.com and www.yourmaniswonderful.com/blog.


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Over 1 million couples turn to Hitched for expert marital advice every year. Sign up now for our newsletter & get exclusive weekly content that will entertain, educate and inspire your marriage.



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