10 Secrets That Destroy Marriages Here are ten secrets you should never keep from your spouse. BY DESIREE S. COLEMAN
We keep secrets because being open can be difficult. Trust in your marriage and open up.
“ Your spouse should know whatís going on with the real you and you deserve the support that your mate can offer.”
Trust and transparency are cornerstones of marriage. Being honest creates a solid foundation in marriage and allows couples to maintain a healthy relationship. Similarly, deception erodes the trust and leads to a breakdown of the relationship. Simply put, honesty is essential and itís important not to keep secrets. Itís expected that you donít share every minute detail about your life with your significant other. However, there are some "non-negotiables" that you should disclose. Read on to learn 10 secrets that you should never keep from your mate because they can destroy your marriage.
Affairs. (Whether emotional or physical in nature and whether one-time or on-going affair). The other person deserves to know that the integrity of the relationship has been violated. As a matter of fact, they have a right to know. Being in a relationship requires trust and if you have not kept that trustóyou need to come clean about it.
Children. Your mate should know of children from previous relationships, whether you actively parent them or not. This is important for financial, emotional and family relationships. Itís also necessary to share any past miscarriages or even abortions that you/your mate may have experienced because it may affect how you relate to them.
Sexual Abuse. If you were abused, this experience will impact how you relate and respond to others. Even if youíve received healing, some experiences shape your perspectives, thoughts, mindset, etc. So in all fairness to your mate, share this bit of information because your mate should know the whole "you."
Health Conditions. Itís not fair to your mate to come home one day and find you curled up in a fetal position, screaming in pain and agony because you hid an illness and now itís running its course. Your spouse should know whatís going on with the real you and you deserve the support that your mate can offer.
STDs. Sexual intimacy is a fundamental component of any strong marriage. So, if the intimacy has been compromised in any way because of a sexually transmitted disease, your spouse deserves to know, whether you contracted it before the marriage or because of an extramarital affair.
Large Debts, Bankruptcies, Liens or Other Credit Issues. In marriage, the two become one and this includes financial woes. Because both parties will have to work together for the financial well-being of your family, itís important to share money issues, so that they can be addressed collectively.
Hidden Feelings. If you are carrying around baggage, resentment, forgiveness or anger towards your spouse, itís imperative that you communicate it. The longer hidden feelings linger, the greater the likelihood that those feelings will compound and eventually erode the unity of the marriage. Marriage is based on mutual understanding, so itís important to share your most sincere feelings.
Criminal Past. Whether current or from years ago, itís important to be forthcoming about any criminal issues. This could become a concern when applying for a job or if the legal matter was never resolved. You donít want your spouse to be caught off guard, so be forthcoming now.
Secret Friendships. You never want your spouse to be excluded from any aspect of your life, especially when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. This could create jealousy and resentment. Additionally, if your friendship is romantic in nature, you should honor your vows and choose your marriage over the friendship. This could prevent an affair or even divorce later down the line.
Addictions. Chemical dependencies, sexual obsessions, gambling, and alcohol abuse are serious matters that your spouse deserves to know about, immediately. Addictions have the ability to lead a family down a destructive road and tear a family apart. However, with support and treatment, the likelihood of overcoming an addiction is much greater, so itís critical to be honest about this struggle.
Everyone enters marriage with the hope that it will be a loving, lasting bond. Donít allow that bond to be comprised by keeping secrets from your spouse. Be honest and forthcoming now, so that any secrets and the associated consequences donít weigh down your relationship later.
Desiree S. Coleman is a blogger and freelance writer who inspires healthy, whole relationships. Her blog "The Love Journey" (www.thelovejourney.com) offers inspiration for singles and practical insights for thriving marriages.