When Too Much of a Good Thing Sours a Marriage 5 ways to finding the balance you’re looking for. BY SHERRIE CAMPBELL, PH.D.
Maintaining our own independence will only help to bring us closer together as a couple.
“ It is so important to maintain activities that soothe and fulfill your soul that have nothing to do with anyone but you.”
When we fall in love and meet that most amazing person for us, we feel as if we have finally come to a place where we can rest. It’s not easy to meet the right person to spend our lives with—and the search can be long, disappointing and hard. When it finally feels right, all of that disappointment is quickly erased and it feels as if it all had a purpose once we have met the one we want to settle down with. There is not a more beautiful feeling than this. What do we do then, we when we know we have met our perfect partner and over time it seems as if what we have is almost too good and things start to sour?
1. Balance out too much time together. Many couples who are madly in love tend to spend all their time together, not leaving any time for family, friends or other alone-time activities. They try and do all of these activities together. This must be balanced out.
2. Get back to friend time. Every person needs more than one person in their lives to have a healthy balance. Friends and family are important sources of connection and belonging and meet totally different needs than our partner. These people make our lives whole and our identities more solid. Getting feedback and interaction from many people is a great source of self-esteem.
3. Alone time activities. Whether it is working out, reading, taking walks, taking baths or watching TV make sure you get enough of this. Remind yourself that you can be alone and feel completely fulfilled. It is so important to maintain activities that soothe and fulfill your soul that have nothing to do with anyone but you. This reminds you of your vale, of your special qualities and that you are happy on your own.
4. Support your partner’s independence. Make sure you support your partner to go out in this world to be the biggest, brightest version that they can be. We should want our spouse to be fulfilled in all ways and not held back by the marriage. Rather, the marriage should be the supportive springboard from which all success occurs.
5. Never do for your spouse what they can do for themselves. The best way to help your partner grow is to encourage them to handle their own life challenges. You can support your spouse emotionally, but do not get too enmeshed in their issues. This creates arguments and not enough separation. Life challenges us all, be there to support and encourage but not to enable.
When each partner came into the relationship they had independent lives, activities and commitments, which made them fulfilled. It happens so often when we combine with someone we lose track of how we eat, how much we read, exercise, and all the other things which fulfilled us before. We become one with our spouse and with their desires, giving up essential parts of ourselves. Soon each partner misses the person the other used to be and they miss the person they used to be. It takes discipline not to lose yourself into someone else, but if you want the marriage to last long term make sure you love yourself and your partner enough to maintain your own happiness and identity.
Little Life Message: The sexiest thing to be to your partner is interesting, so make sure to keep your independence.
Dr. Sherrie Campbell is the author of "Loving Yourself" and a licensed psychologist with more than 19 years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life. She is a featured regularly on national online media and has a successful practice in Southern California. Click to get a free article on "Five Ways to Make Love the Common Ground in Your Communication." Receive free insights from Sherrie through her Facebook community. She is a featured expert on a variety of national websites and has a successful practice in Southern California. For more information visit www.sherriecampbellphd.com.