How to Keep The Relationship Fire Burning 4 easy-to-apply tips that will help build and maintain a lasting marriage. BY RACHEL MOHEBAN-WACHTEL, LCSW
If you want to keep the intimacy alive in your marriage you have to put in the effort.
“ You and your spouse need to actively work on scheduling date night to make sure you continue adding romance to the relationship.”
Who doesn’t remember how they felt at the beginning of a great new relationship—excited, energized, enthusiastic. Just plain happy!
The good news is that those feelings don’t have to subside. Regardless of the length of time together, the relationship fire doesn’t have to burn down. Here is relationship advice on what you can do to keep those fires burning.
1. Be creative. People in long-term relationships run the risk of falling into a rut. Sure, same-old, same-old is comfortable but it isn’t very exciting and as we all know, exciting equals sizzle. Step out of your routine and go somewhere new, do something different, share a new activity and past time. And be creative. Talk it over and come up with a plan and you just might be surprised to find that even the planning stage is fun and adventurous.
2. Don’t take your relationship for granted. Along with settling in and allowing routines to pretty much take over, many individuals start to take their partner for granted. Everyone wants to feel appreciated, respected and loved… these are basic human needs. When was the last time you paid a compliment to your partner or said a heartfelt "thank you" when they did something that they think is in their "job description!" It’s not difficult to do, but like everything else it requires some thought.
3. Communicate. People in new marriages spend time talking about pretty much everything. They share the details of their days, reveal thoughts and emotions and stay in sync because of their ability to communicate. Good communication doesn’t have to end, but finding the "time to speak" can be problematic, especially when you are juggling the demands of work and children. One solution is to schedule time to step away from all of the day-to-day responsibilities and talk about the important stuff, rather than who is picking up the dry cleaning and how to better train the dog.
4. Go on intimacy dates. Schedule weekly date nights. Life can be exhausting, especially if you have children, a demanding career, and other responsibilities that come with being an adult. These stressors can lure you away from an active, fulfilling sex life and into a slumber. You and your spouse need to actively work on scheduling date night to make sure you continue adding romance to the relationship. It will keep the physical and emotional connection alive and help nurture the relationship. Intimacy dates can include dinner and movies, a walk in the park or a romantic surprise rendezvous. They don’t even have to include physical intimacy, just time together with your spouse that involves talking and touching that helps develop and sustain emotional connection.
Most things that are valuable and worthwhile require effort; and maintaining a relationship is certainly no different. In my experience with couples, it’s usually the little things that count most. Be playful and spontaneous. Have a good laugh with your partner while watching TV, over glasses of wine or even in bed. Relax, have fun together and just enjoy the moment. Many couples complain about what they are not receiving from their partner; yet, they do not focus on the lack of what they are giving. Make maintaining your healthy relationship a priority and you will find that the results more than justify the effort.
Rachel Moheban-Wachtel, LCSW currently has a private practice in New York City and specializes in couples therapy, premarital counseling and marriage counseling, and is the creator of the Ultimate Relationship Resolution Program an audio program for couples that includes relationship advice and techniques to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. To learn more, and receive a FREE audio sample program and Relationship Tips please visit www.relationshipsuite.com. You can also follow her on Google+