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How to Get Rid of Mom GuiltGuilt comes in many shapes and sizes, but what are you really feeling guilty about? Here are three tips to drop the mom guilt before it starts.
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In order to rid yourself of mom guilt you need to put things in perspective.
“ Guilt may be a habit that we fall into when we know something isn’t right, but we can’t put our finger on what it is.”
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"Mom guilt" is the phrase of the day.
Moms seem to be slinking through life with more guilt than the guy who thought "New Coke" was a good idea.
C’mon ladies, did we cause the collapse of Enron or dabble in water boarding as a child? If not, I’d say it’s time to lighten up and drop the guilt.
And what are we feeling so guilty about? Working outside the home or working inside the home? Not having psychic abilities when it comes to your child’s needs? Being too rigid or too relaxed? If your kids are too fat, short, thin, tall, shy or obnoxious? Not noticing that your child has allergies or a minor speech impediment? And what 5-year-old does not sound like a cartoon character? If your children aren’t getting enough stimulation, or their over-scheduled? Rushing to the doctor for every nosebleed, or mistaking a broken arm for a pulled muscle? (I know someone who did this—and she’s a terrific mother, by the way.) Wishing you could get a break from your children?
What is this about? I know that when we become a mother we are anointed with special powers, but this is going a bit too far, isn’t it? What is the purpose of guilt?
Even in a situation where someone does something truly terrible, it doesn’t help. It’s simply a self-absorbed diversion between doing something terrible and taking action to fix it.
And if we as mothers are simply doing our best, but feeling guilty for falling short of our own ideal, then it truly has no benefit at all.
Let’s change this before we start feeling guilty about something else!
Here are three common scenarios surrounding guilt and how you might be able to deal with them (or not):
1. What is one thing you feel guilty about? Be specific. For example, "I’m guilty because I don’t spend enough time with my kids" doesn’t get you anywhere. However, "I’m guilty because the entire weekend went by, and I never got to sit down with my daughter and read a book or play a game," is tangible. You can’t fix the first one, but you can fix the second one.
2. Ask yourself if you feel guilty because you truly think you should be doing something different or, because you feel other people are judging you? If you feel guilty because of what others may be thinking, drop it. Other people are not thinking about you—they are thinking about themselves and wondering what you think of them.
3. When you feel guilty find an action you can take to turn the situation around. For example, "I’m guilty because I’m not making dinners from scratch every night," can be changed to, "I’m going to add one more dinner each week that I make from scratch by planning it ahead of time and asking my spouse and children to pitch in and help."
Guilt may be a habit that we fall into when we know something isn’t right, but we can’t put our finger on what it is. What if instead of feeling guilty, we took a good look at what we feel isn’t working and fix it? After all, we are great at fixing things. That’s where those "special powers" do come in.
Jamee Tenzer, PCC is a Life and Executive Coach for Women. She specializes in coaching working mothers, women in entertainment and 50-something moms. She is also a Trainer for the International Coach Academy and Mentors new coaches. Visit www.shesarealmother.com for mom tips and more free stuff. Check out Jamee's book: "Balance Your Work and Family Life with Less Stress and More Fun!".
Moms seem to be slinking through life with more guilt than the guy who thought "New Coke" was a good idea.
C’mon ladies, did we cause the collapse of Enron or dabble in water boarding as a child? If not, I’d say it’s time to lighten up and drop the guilt.
And what are we feeling so guilty about? Working outside the home or working inside the home? Not having psychic abilities when it comes to your child’s needs? Being too rigid or too relaxed? If your kids are too fat, short, thin, tall, shy or obnoxious? Not noticing that your child has allergies or a minor speech impediment? And what 5-year-old does not sound like a cartoon character? If your children aren’t getting enough stimulation, or their over-scheduled? Rushing to the doctor for every nosebleed, or mistaking a broken arm for a pulled muscle? (I know someone who did this—and she’s a terrific mother, by the way.) Wishing you could get a break from your children?
What is this about? I know that when we become a mother we are anointed with special powers, but this is going a bit too far, isn’t it? What is the purpose of guilt?
Even in a situation where someone does something truly terrible, it doesn’t help. It’s simply a self-absorbed diversion between doing something terrible and taking action to fix it.
And if we as mothers are simply doing our best, but feeling guilty for falling short of our own ideal, then it truly has no benefit at all.
Let’s change this before we start feeling guilty about something else!
Here are three common scenarios surrounding guilt and how you might be able to deal with them (or not):
1. What is one thing you feel guilty about? Be specific. For example, "I’m guilty because I don’t spend enough time with my kids" doesn’t get you anywhere. However, "I’m guilty because the entire weekend went by, and I never got to sit down with my daughter and read a book or play a game," is tangible. You can’t fix the first one, but you can fix the second one.
2. Ask yourself if you feel guilty because you truly think you should be doing something different or, because you feel other people are judging you? If you feel guilty because of what others may be thinking, drop it. Other people are not thinking about you—they are thinking about themselves and wondering what you think of them.
3. When you feel guilty find an action you can take to turn the situation around. For example, "I’m guilty because I’m not making dinners from scratch every night," can be changed to, "I’m going to add one more dinner each week that I make from scratch by planning it ahead of time and asking my spouse and children to pitch in and help."
Guilt may be a habit that we fall into when we know something isn’t right, but we can’t put our finger on what it is. What if instead of feeling guilty, we took a good look at what we feel isn’t working and fix it? After all, we are great at fixing things. That’s where those "special powers" do come in.
Jamee Tenzer, PCC is a Life and Executive Coach for Women. She specializes in coaching working mothers, women in entertainment and 50-something moms. She is also a Trainer for the International Coach Academy and Mentors new coaches. Visit www.shesarealmother.com for mom tips and more free stuff. Check out Jamee's book: "Balance Your Work and Family Life with Less Stress and More Fun!".
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