Even the best relationships don’t stay in the honeymoon phase forever. It’s normal to grow more comfortable with each other and stop putting in the same kind of effort we did at the beginning. It can actually be a good sign that the relationship has grown past the superficial makeup and flowers to something more meaningful. However, it is important you don’t get so comfortable with each other that it actually kills the spark in your relationship. A good relationship needs constant effort from both partners to maintain happiness.
Here are a few reminders that signal you have gone too far and are actually pushing your spouse away. All of these issues have simple solutions that can make your relationship stronger.
You live in your housecoat or flannel pajamas. We are all guilty of owning and loving the ugliest, most unflattering pajamas known to man. Maybe on a cold winter night or after a really rough day at work they are fair game, but do not start living in them. No, you do not have to start wearing silk nighties to bed and living in lacy lingerie. Try some fitted yoga pants and a tank top or shorts and an undershirt. Not only will this remind your spouse why they are attracted to your body, but it will increase your self-confidence too.
You have stopped grooming yourself. Both partners can be pretty guilty of loosening up their hygiene routines once the honeymoon phase is over. Once again balance is key here, so don’t worry about having perfectly smooth legs everyday, but do put in the effort when you know a sexy evening is in store. Guys, stubble hurts, so if you really want an awesome makeout sesh with your partner without maiming their face, please shave. It’s hard to cuddle when one partner hasn’t bothered to shower or put on deodorant in three days. Just because your love for each other has made you comfortable doesn't mean they don't deserve the best you have to offer.
“ It is important you don’t get so comfortable with each other that it actually kills the spark in your relationship.”
You go to the bathroom with the door open. Okay I will start off by saying that for some couples, they are totally okay with this. But really, if your partner has no urge to watch you sit on the toilet as you do your business, then close the damn door! For many people, this can be a serious turn off and remove any sexual attraction. Sure, everyone poops, but ignorance can be bliss when it comes to going down under for a night of fun. Maintaining some personal boundaries is a good thing.
You never go out anymore. Why go out when you are just going to end up back home anyways? This is a serious problem for couples who love the comfort of home. The effort to get dressed and go out seems like too much and you end up watching The Avengers and eating popcorn, in your pajamas on the couch again. Little by little you will start to resent each other for life getting boring and not experiencing the world. Plan a date together—at least once a week—that involves you getting out of the house. Learn a little more about each other by planning dates related to each others hobbies. Putting in the effort shows that you still care about building new memories together.
You have stopped noticing the little things your spouse does. Did you love the way your partner played with your hair when you started dating, or the fact that they opened doors for you when entering a room? Do they still do those small gestures? Do you even notice anymore? It is so easy to start taking the little loving everyday things you and your partner do for each other for granted. This can lead to resentment from both sides as you will both feel unappreciated. Start recognizing all the awesome stuff you do for each other on the daily—and express your appreciation.
“ It is so easy to start taking the little loving everyday things you and your partner do for each other for granted.”
You have a very routine sex life. Having a sexual routine is pretty normal in marriage. You usually experiment more in the beginning and then learn what you like and what works, but that doesn't mean you should stop trying new things. If you have sex every Thursday evening, starting in missionary, switching to doggy style, and then finishing by spooning, well that’s lovely, but it does take some of the fun out of it. Buy a sex toy, have a quickie on a Tuesday morning, or try out a sex game to get really adventurous! Keep your flame burning and never stop experimenting.
Remember why sparks flew when you and your spouse first met. Never stop dating each other, never stop trying to impress each other, and never stop showing your husband or wife how much you love them. Happy marriages stay happy because both partners put in the effort—we know you are capable of doing the same.
Tell us in the comments below how you keep the spark alive in your relationship or tweet us @lovetripping.
Chris and Katie are the Love Tripper's www.lovetripping.com. They have been together for over 9 years, and got married in April 2014. They believe that the key to a healthy long-lasting relationship is constant work and effort. The Love Tripper's share their advice on how to keep that sexy fire burning, avoiding pointless arguments, and finding a deeper love for your partner every day. Love is a trip, enjoy the ride!