It’s difficult to relax on the Internet, especially social media—Twitter and Facebook are like open microphones where everyone is simultaneously speaking their opinions about everything, all the time. The pressure to have an opinion and to share it in new, cleverer and louder ways can be quickly exhausting. I find myself forgetting what I really care about, losing track of my own feelings, and becoming numb to my body.
As a way of getting on (and um, getting it on) in this confusing landscape, I like the "Big Lebowski approach." Relaxing and saying, "That’s just, like, your opinion, man" in response to the never-ending deliveries of other peoples’ ideas helps me to stay focused on what’s important to me. It helps me to maintain the feeling of privacy that gives the events of my life their meaning. Actually, this is what I think of when I hear the word "sacred"—the private meanings I’ve made for the things that have happened to me and that I dream will happen to me, and the feeling of inhabiting that privacy.
I think it’s especially useful to take the Big Lebowski approach to all those opinions about what we should and shouldn’t be eating, wearing, doing with our bodies. Around sex, having that feeling of inhabiting your own private world, one blissfully free of other peoples’ opinions, is key to relaxing, which is key to not being numb to your body, which really good sex depends on.
“I think it’s especially useful to take the Big Lebowski approach to all those opinions about what we should and shouldn’t be eating, wearing, doing with our bodies.”
Since our own minds are also constantly feeding us opinions (our own, those we’ve internalized and remembered), sex is a great opportunity to practice the Big Lebowski approach. Like, as you find yourself getting distracted by something your brain is telling you, you should or shouldn’t be doing, just say to yourself, "That’s just, like, your opinion, man," and then get on with getting it on.
Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family. In her new book, "Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy," she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative advice. It has been called "the essential guide for relationships." The book is available on ebook. Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13-23 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. You can follow her on Google+