What Prevents You From Loving Yourself? Disregard the fear, connect with your heart and open up and learn to love. BY DR. MARGARET PAUL
In order to elevate your love, you must face your fears.
“ Until they are willing to find out whether or not their fears are based on truth, they will be stuck avoiding them.”
In your daily life, are you guided by fear or by love? Connecting on the deepest levels require that we open up and let others see the whole of us. Our truth includes flaws, but those imperfections don't diminish our ability to love or be loved—in fact, they make us unique and can concentrate what makes us special. What are the fears that block being loving to yourself and others?
How often is the question, “What is loving to myself and others—what is in my highest good and the highest good of another?” the question that guides your actions? Is there something in the way of you asking this question? What is the fear that gets in the way of loving yourself? Here are two quick example.
Ethan’s fear is that, “If I open to loving, I will be weak and then easily taken advantage of. I might lose my sharpness in business and then lose money. Business people will see that I’m a soft touch and run right over me."
Alexis is stuck in her cycle of anger at her husband. In her mind, she knows that her controlling, blaming anger is pushing him away, yet she fears that, "If I let go of the control, he will end up making a fool of me. The only way I can be safe from him doing something behind my back, like having an affair, is to keep a tight rein on him." Alexis’s husband, Noah, has been staying away more and more, and coming home later and later. He doesn’t want to be around the anger. The more he stays away, the angrier Alexis gets. She is terrified to let go and see what will happen. Having a huge abandonment issue, and not doing the inner work to take care of herself, she is very afraid he will leave her. Rather than risk this, she keeps doing the very thing that pushes Noah away, while her fears continue to grow.
Each of these people are terrified at losing something—losing themselves, losing the other, losing face, losing money, losing power. None of them have the faith that if they open to loving themselves and others, they will be supported by the vast power of spirit. None of them are willing to risk opening to loving and seeing what happens. As a result, they cannot create a strong enough connection with their own spiritual guidance to know that their fears are not based on truth, but on their false beliefs.
Two things would need to happen for them to change:
1. They would need to be willing to risk having their worst fears happen. Until they are willing to find out whether or not their fears are based on truth, they will be stuck avoiding them. When they finally say, "Okay, if I’m abandoned, made a fool of, taken advantage of or completely controlled by another, so be it. Living this way isn’t working so I’m willing to see what will happen if I open," then they will open to learning and loving.
2. They will need to embrace acceptance over control. When they decide that the spiritual journey of becoming a loving human being is more important than whether or not they are hurt, rejected, controlled, or made a fool of, then they will open. As long as they believe that the earthly journey of getting and controlling is more important than the spiritual journey of learning and loving, they will stay stuck.
Your soul remembers your spiritual journey. Your soul yearns to love and share love. Your soul yearns for the lightness of being that comes from opening to love. If you diligently practice Inner Bonding, you will eventually connect with the deep desires of your soul and open your heart without fear.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding course and visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone and Skype Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!