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6 Tips to Engage Creatively with Your PartnerTrust the intimacy in your relationship to open up and explore.
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Step out of your comfort zone to build stronger bonds with your spouse.
“ Relationships only deepen if both partners show up. Nothing happens if you don’t choose to be present.”
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Marriage vows are as unique as the two people marrying. But how often does a couple vow to speak openly and authentically to each other, alongside the “in sickness and in health” exchange? Learning to speak openly is the most important vow of all. It underscores everything. So why is it neglected? Maybe because partners aren’t sure how to kick off intentional conversation, or even worse, don’t see the value in the vow.
Enter strategies of creative strength training. How can exercising your creative selves foster a stronger marriage partnership?
1. Learn something new. Don’t be intimidated. It’s as simple as buying colored pencils and drawing paper, or watercolor paints and paper. People pay good money to paint in a class or in a franchised painting party. Go for it on your own! Painting doesn’t appeal? Ask each other what sounds like fun. Is there something one of you has been dying to try? Take turns. And if once is enough, move on. Body paint? Now there’s an idea!
2. Cross train. You know what it means at the gym. Apply it to trying something new. Painted last week? Write poetry for each other this week. Main thing? No room for self-consciousness! Have fun. It’s just for the two of you.
3. Engage the inner rebel. Everyone has one. It’s the hard-wired part of being human that takes charge if only you’ll allow it. We usually relate rebelliousness to teenagers. As adults, we may sublimate the rebel so we’ll be perceived as agreeable adults, but rebel energy is energy that tries on new things for size and also helps keep us from being guilted into doing things we don’t want to do. You each have preferences. Invite your rebels to have a friendly conversation—and pay attention. This is how we learn to honor ourselves, each other, our time, and our resources.
4. Dismantle your committees. Do you see faces or hear voices when you feel stressed or criticized? Those are the people who keep you from succeeding, or from enjoying your success. Psychologists call the committee "The Critic." It’s bigger than that. You might be your own worst critic, but you didn’t arrive on the planet with that mindset. A few people around you—past or present—helped.
Sometimes it’s because someone was mean. But just as often, someone is on your committee because you want to impress them. Face it… dismantling the committee allows your relationship to fly freer and higher. So who’s on your committees? Discussing them is a surefire way to join forces in the name of love.
5. What’s distinctive about you? That’s you as in your union together. The two of you are a couple unique unto yourselves. Write down your strengths and specialties; celebrate them; and then cultivate them.
6. Write your histories. I teach a class called "Everyone is Fascinating." Not a new idea, just a reminder. Loads of good stories are part of each of you. Share your stories by writing your histories. Lists are ok. So are short paragraphs or even a timeline. We’re not going for the Pulitzer here. Can’t think of anything to write? Use the list-making approach to unearth crazy, sweet, odd parts of who you are. And don’t be afraid to write about it. That’s how people connect. By authentically telling the truth. It’s what we’re all longing to do.
Bottom line? Relationships only deepen if both partners show up. Nothing happens if you don’t choose to be present. Be there for each other—and be amazed at how ready you are. How good it feels. Play, talk, write, repeat. Human strength-training in the name of love.
Jane Dunnewold is an artist who writes. Although her popular book, "Creative Strength Training: Prompts, Exercises and Stories to inspire Artistic Genius" was written to help artists find deeper joy in creating, her strategies apply to anyone seeking a more creative and boldly authentic life. Jane lectures and leads workshops that honor and encourage our human desire to create. See artwork, read more, or contact her at Jane Dunnewold
Enter strategies of creative strength training. How can exercising your creative selves foster a stronger marriage partnership?
1. Learn something new. Don’t be intimidated. It’s as simple as buying colored pencils and drawing paper, or watercolor paints and paper. People pay good money to paint in a class or in a franchised painting party. Go for it on your own! Painting doesn’t appeal? Ask each other what sounds like fun. Is there something one of you has been dying to try? Take turns. And if once is enough, move on. Body paint? Now there’s an idea!
2. Cross train. You know what it means at the gym. Apply it to trying something new. Painted last week? Write poetry for each other this week. Main thing? No room for self-consciousness! Have fun. It’s just for the two of you.
3. Engage the inner rebel. Everyone has one. It’s the hard-wired part of being human that takes charge if only you’ll allow it. We usually relate rebelliousness to teenagers. As adults, we may sublimate the rebel so we’ll be perceived as agreeable adults, but rebel energy is energy that tries on new things for size and also helps keep us from being guilted into doing things we don’t want to do. You each have preferences. Invite your rebels to have a friendly conversation—and pay attention. This is how we learn to honor ourselves, each other, our time, and our resources.
4. Dismantle your committees. Do you see faces or hear voices when you feel stressed or criticized? Those are the people who keep you from succeeding, or from enjoying your success. Psychologists call the committee "The Critic." It’s bigger than that. You might be your own worst critic, but you didn’t arrive on the planet with that mindset. A few people around you—past or present—helped.
Sometimes it’s because someone was mean. But just as often, someone is on your committee because you want to impress them. Face it… dismantling the committee allows your relationship to fly freer and higher. So who’s on your committees? Discussing them is a surefire way to join forces in the name of love.
5. What’s distinctive about you? That’s you as in your union together. The two of you are a couple unique unto yourselves. Write down your strengths and specialties; celebrate them; and then cultivate them.
6. Write your histories. I teach a class called "Everyone is Fascinating." Not a new idea, just a reminder. Loads of good stories are part of each of you. Share your stories by writing your histories. Lists are ok. So are short paragraphs or even a timeline. We’re not going for the Pulitzer here. Can’t think of anything to write? Use the list-making approach to unearth crazy, sweet, odd parts of who you are. And don’t be afraid to write about it. That’s how people connect. By authentically telling the truth. It’s what we’re all longing to do.
Bottom line? Relationships only deepen if both partners show up. Nothing happens if you don’t choose to be present. Be there for each other—and be amazed at how ready you are. How good it feels. Play, talk, write, repeat. Human strength-training in the name of love.
Jane Dunnewold is an artist who writes. Although her popular book, "Creative Strength Training: Prompts, Exercises and Stories to inspire Artistic Genius" was written to help artists find deeper joy in creating, her strategies apply to anyone seeking a more creative and boldly authentic life. Jane lectures and leads workshops that honor and encourage our human desire to create. See artwork, read more, or contact her at Jane Dunnewold
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