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The One Thing You Need For a Healthy, Lasting, Loving Relationship
3 simple tips will help you flex your muscle of self-love.

The path to be a better spouse starts with a better self.

No one changes you or completes you—as romantic as it sounds.”
So, what is the one thing you absolutely must have for a healthy and loving relationship? It's the same for all of us. Yes, and it will never change.

Self-love. We need to love ourselves 100 percent. Period. Self-respect, self-acceptance and self-understanding follow closely behind, but loving yourself as you are—completely, is where it all begins… and ends.

Here's the dealio. You get your vibrational match. Self-worth is the missing component in abusive and unhealthy relationships. Lowering your standards, mistrust; excusing, rationalizing or justifying toxic or disrespectful behavior; not saying what you feel and need to say… I could go on and on. All of these will not happen if you love who you are—all parts of you. If you feel worthy, no matter your mistakes and imperfections.

Leaning on a partner to fill your missing pieces is a ha-uge no-no-no-no. Yet, we see it all the time. No one changes or completes you—as romantic as it sounds. You change yourself and you have to do the hard work to be "complete" in mind, body, spirit and soul.

Here are some tips on how to change the message within you.

Engagement is about loving yourself and putting yourself first in order to be a fully available partner. It is about creating boundaries. It's about respect. It's about what you will not tolerate in ALL areas of your life, and it's about showing God and the Universe that you are ready for a relationship with renewed commitment to your self-worth.

Expediting wants by being honest and clear about what you truly desire is the next step. Be genuine and authentic with your feelings. Are you sending double messages and then getting discouraged or frustrated at what you are receiving? Do you feel like you've been waiting for a long time? Be concise and clear. As in, very!

Playfulness speaks for itself and it has come up in some of my other columns lately. Fun is a necessity, not a luxury. Do I need to repeat that?! Everything from taking classes, date nights other than dinner and a movie (get creative), finding your inner child and allowing yourself and your spouse to be silly. Frolic into sexiness and fun.

Strong, happy and lasting marriages have spouses who love, respect and accept themselves. Who speak their truths with compassion. (Not in an egotistical way, of course.) And, who join together in their most completed version of themselves.

All of your relationships are part of your evolvement and part of your journey. But, you don't need to learn the same lessons over and over again—you are the constant. Who is in your life and why? How do they impact your self-love, self-respect; your acceptance and worthiness? They are your teachers and a mirror to your shadows.

Self-love opens your partnerships and intimate relationships to the utmost expression of lasting fun, joy and happiness. But, it all starts with you.

I love you as you are—right now. Do you?

Tina Arana Anderson, M.A., is a media and wellness specialist and spiritual mentor. She combines her media and wellness experience with spiritual mentoring and intuitive guidance. She’s an angel therapist, clairvoyant and clairaudient as well as a writer, host and producer. Her ultimate gift is helping you with high vibrational, joy-filled living; deep inner-peace and lots of levity. For project collaborations, parties or private sessions, contact her at tinaandersonOC.com.

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Over 1 million couples turn to Hitched for expert marital advice every year. Sign up now for our newsletter & get exclusive weekly content that will entertain, educate and inspire your marriage.

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