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5 Keys to Staying Sane While GrievingGrief is a process you grow through, which includes a wide range of emotions, some of which you might not even understand.
Akshar Dave
Grief is a process that's personal and requires time.
“ When loss hits us, our hearts crack and emotion pours out everywhere.”
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Ever feel like you’re going crazy?
In grief, this is a common fear. As a grief specialist and coach, I hear it all the time. It goes something like this…
I feel confused today.
One minute I'm sad, and the next I'm angry. I zone out and find myself staring at the walls. Everything seems strange, like I'm in some alternate reality that looks a lot like my old life. Except that you're not here.
My life is not the same at all. Everything feels different now.
Then the sadness returns. Or maybe it never left. Perhaps sadness is more like a cloud that follows me throughout the day.
My emotions are all over the place, and I'm getting less able to manage and hide them. I feel unstable. I'm not acting like myself. I feel different.
The world around me marches on like nothing happened, while I'm stuck here. It's like I've become an observer - an outsider looking in.
I miss you. Where did you go? Where did I go? I want my old life back.
What is life now? I'm confused.
If you’ve experienced a heavy loss, chances are you’ve felt this way. You wake up in the same world, but everything has changed. This is confusing. How do you do this?
Here are 5 keys to maintaining your sanity while grieving:
1. Accept that emotional confusion is common in grief.
When loss hits us, our hearts crack and emotion pours out everywhere.
Some manage to hide some of their feelings, only to find them leaking out here and there in unhealthy ways.
Some express their emotions freely but in such a way that is not helpful to them.
Others learn ways of managing grief emotions that express who they are and their relationship with the one they lost.
When this unruly combo of sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, guilt, and frustration hit, emotional confusion naturally occurs.
2. Accept that mental confusion is common in grief.
We've never been here before. This is uncharted territory. No matter what we thought it might be like, the terrain we find ourselves in is different than we imagined or expected. Nothing could have fully prepared us for this.
Your mind spins. Thoughts bounce about and fly away with stunning rapidity. This is part of grief.
The mental impact can be stunning. You forget things and appointments. You walk about in a fog. Perhaps your head even feels heavy. Cognitive clarity is no longer what it was.
Your mind is being squeezed by grief. This is common and natural.
3. Accept that confused decision-making is common in grief.
Our minds are trying to somehow make sense of what happened. A new, unwanted reality has been thrust upon us. Our hearts are reeling from the collision of life and loss. This affects our decision-making.
We tell ourselves we’re "fine" and "thinking straight." The reality is that our world is radically different, and we can’t possibly have the wisdom (yet) to decipher all the life-changing issues that are staring us in the face.
Wisdom says that it’s better to take your time and don’t make any life-altering decisions while in heavy grief. Give it six months. Give it a year. Involve people you trust in the process.
4. Develop the skill of being patient with yourself.
Someone special is missing. There are gaping holes in our hearts and in our routines. Some confusion is common and expected. Learning to be patient with ourselves is important. This path is rocky, uneven, and unpredictable.
Grief is more like a marathon than a sprint. Pacing yourself along the way is crucial. Give yourself a break. Take care of you. Be nice to yourself. This is hard.
5. Give yourself permission to grieve (which means feeling confused at times).
We're not superhuman. Let’s give ourselves permission to not have to understand all the events unfolding in our lives or be able to explain them to others. Life is anything but business as usual right now.
Be real with your own heart and a few people you trust. You’re hurting. Give yourself permission to go through the grief process and run this marathon. Focus on grieving well, as best as you know how. Forgive yourself, and others, often.
Confusion is a natural part of grief. Life will never be the same again. Your heart is broken and perhaps even your soul is shaking. Take heart. Now is not forever. As you grieve in healthy ways, you will heal and grow through this.
Be kind to yourself.
Award-winning author, speaker, and grief specialist Gary Roe is a compassionate and trusted voice in grief-recovery who has been bringing comfort, hope, encouragement, and healing to hurting, wounded hearts for more than 30 years. Click here to get a free excerpt of his new book, Comfort for Grieving Hearts. For more information visit www.garyroe.com.
In grief, this is a common fear. As a grief specialist and coach, I hear it all the time. It goes something like this…
I feel confused today.
One minute I'm sad, and the next I'm angry. I zone out and find myself staring at the walls. Everything seems strange, like I'm in some alternate reality that looks a lot like my old life. Except that you're not here.
My life is not the same at all. Everything feels different now.
Then the sadness returns. Or maybe it never left. Perhaps sadness is more like a cloud that follows me throughout the day.
My emotions are all over the place, and I'm getting less able to manage and hide them. I feel unstable. I'm not acting like myself. I feel different.
The world around me marches on like nothing happened, while I'm stuck here. It's like I've become an observer - an outsider looking in.
I miss you. Where did you go? Where did I go? I want my old life back.
What is life now? I'm confused.
If you’ve experienced a heavy loss, chances are you’ve felt this way. You wake up in the same world, but everything has changed. This is confusing. How do you do this?
Here are 5 keys to maintaining your sanity while grieving:
1. Accept that emotional confusion is common in grief.
When loss hits us, our hearts crack and emotion pours out everywhere.
Some manage to hide some of their feelings, only to find them leaking out here and there in unhealthy ways.
Some express their emotions freely but in such a way that is not helpful to them.
Others learn ways of managing grief emotions that express who they are and their relationship with the one they lost.
When this unruly combo of sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, guilt, and frustration hit, emotional confusion naturally occurs.
2. Accept that mental confusion is common in grief.
We've never been here before. This is uncharted territory. No matter what we thought it might be like, the terrain we find ourselves in is different than we imagined or expected. Nothing could have fully prepared us for this.
Your mind spins. Thoughts bounce about and fly away with stunning rapidity. This is part of grief.
The mental impact can be stunning. You forget things and appointments. You walk about in a fog. Perhaps your head even feels heavy. Cognitive clarity is no longer what it was.
Your mind is being squeezed by grief. This is common and natural.
3. Accept that confused decision-making is common in grief.
Our minds are trying to somehow make sense of what happened. A new, unwanted reality has been thrust upon us. Our hearts are reeling from the collision of life and loss. This affects our decision-making.
We tell ourselves we’re "fine" and "thinking straight." The reality is that our world is radically different, and we can’t possibly have the wisdom (yet) to decipher all the life-changing issues that are staring us in the face.
Wisdom says that it’s better to take your time and don’t make any life-altering decisions while in heavy grief. Give it six months. Give it a year. Involve people you trust in the process.
4. Develop the skill of being patient with yourself.
Someone special is missing. There are gaping holes in our hearts and in our routines. Some confusion is common and expected. Learning to be patient with ourselves is important. This path is rocky, uneven, and unpredictable.
Grief is more like a marathon than a sprint. Pacing yourself along the way is crucial. Give yourself a break. Take care of you. Be nice to yourself. This is hard.
5. Give yourself permission to grieve (which means feeling confused at times).
We're not superhuman. Let’s give ourselves permission to not have to understand all the events unfolding in our lives or be able to explain them to others. Life is anything but business as usual right now.
Be real with your own heart and a few people you trust. You’re hurting. Give yourself permission to go through the grief process and run this marathon. Focus on grieving well, as best as you know how. Forgive yourself, and others, often.
Confusion is a natural part of grief. Life will never be the same again. Your heart is broken and perhaps even your soul is shaking. Take heart. Now is not forever. As you grieve in healthy ways, you will heal and grow through this.
Be kind to yourself.
Award-winning author, speaker, and grief specialist Gary Roe is a compassionate and trusted voice in grief-recovery who has been bringing comfort, hope, encouragement, and healing to hurting, wounded hearts for more than 30 years. Click here to get a free excerpt of his new book, Comfort for Grieving Hearts. For more information visit www.garyroe.com.
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