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Sex Noise Etiquette
When sharing walls with others, whether at a hotel or home, what level of sex noise is acceptable?

Gabriel Lefrancois
Should you turn down the volume on your sex noises?

Have you ever noticed that there is no "Miss Manner’s" etiquette regarding the appropriate level of sex noise? What is the suitable conduct for both the listener and the maker of noise while there are sexual relations going on?

Situation #1
A couple months back I was staying overnight at a hotel. About 1:00 a.m. I woke up to a honeymooning couple having zealous sex in the next room. It then happened again at 1:45, and then again at 3:10. As thrilled as I am about people overtly enjoying their sexuality, I do not believe it should infringe on my sleep time.

Then again, that was at a hotel where the rules garnering hot and loud sex are fuzzy. It is expected for couples to let loose at a hotel, hoping the people in the next room are heavy sleepers. Outside of a hotel, what does the average person feel about making sex noises with other people in close proximity? My observations show two camps: the first camp is too terrified to have sex because they might make the slightest noise and everyone would know. The second camp is turned on by the adventure.

The question remains: How does one approach someone else on keeping their screaming to a minimum?

Situation #2
Last summer at about 2:00 a.m. I was awoken by my guests' loud sex noises. The happily married thirty-plus-year couple went about their business for about an hour. All the while, I closed my eyes real tight and tried to go back to sleep. It did not work. In fact, it took a few more hours for me to drift back to sleep.

The next morning as I dragged my butt into the kitchen to make some blessed coffee, the couple in question came bouncing up the stairs. They were laughing, slapping and teasing one another. I thought the black rings under my eyes and thoroughly tired demeanor would tip them off to my sleepless night. Nope. They were still in their sex induced love haze.

Having slept through the entire performance, my husband could not understand why I was miffed. He said, "You’re the sex expert, shouldn’t you of all people be open to folks having loud sex?"

"Yes," I repeat for a second time in this column, "I am totally in favor of people having loud sex, just not when I am trying to sleep." I then came up with an analogy, "It is the same as them going into our living room in the middle of the night and turning our TV on full blast, waking up the entire house. You just don’t do it."

Handling the Noisy Sex
Yet, if this couple were to come and visit again, should I mention before bedtime to keep the noise level to a minimum? I would rather stick my hand in a tank full of piranhas.

I have come to the conclusion that there is no tactful way to ask rambunctious couples to keep it down while having sex. If this should happen to you, go directly to the bathroom, roll up a wad of toilet paper and stick it in your ears. Or, even better, start having loud sex (even if you are by yourself) to drown out their noise. At least you will have fun while your waiting for your guests to finish.

Dr. Trina Read has a doctorate in human sexuality. Dr. Read is also an international speaker and offers free sex tips on her website www.bestsextipsever.com.

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