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Let Out the Anger
Donít repress your anger with your spouse. Itís better to get it out.


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Don't keep the anger in, have faith in your relationship and let it out.


Do you trust your partner enough to get angry? Are you able to understand your partnerís hidden fears, underlying motivations and expectations well enough to know how your anger will affect your mate?

If you are in a solid loving relationship, expressing and understanding your hidden emotions and articulating your irritations will ultimately bring you closer together.

Early in a relationship some couples attempt to ignore their feelings and hide their anger. Many hold their feelings back from their partner and try not to seek resolution to a problem because they are afraid that by showing their true feelings, their partner might turn against them.

However, anger is nearly impossible to divest without venting it in some way. Hiding your anger can actually display itself in passive aggressive behavior, where you might not even realize you are doing things to belittle or irritate your partner.

Anger can, in fact, be a sign of trust: you trust you partner not to break down in the face of your honesty. However, there is fruitful anger and there is unhealthy anger. Understanding the difference can be difficult.

Fruitful anger is anger that is borne of a specific transgression against your feelings or sense of justice. Productive anger can be about something that can be changed or amended if pointed out in an unthreatening manner.

Fruitful anger can lead to change, whereas toxic anger should be expressed in a more private way, as it can only lead to further upset and arguments.

Whether or not your anger will receive either an empathetic, hostile or defensive response from your partner can be anticipated with a deeper understanding of your partnerís personality.

It is possible to understand the circumstances, methods of delivery and verbiage that allow for a deeper communication and supportive response in situations in which your anger has surfaced. Understanding your spouse's possible reaction to your anger allows you to create that meaningful, deep relationship you signed up for when you took those marriage vows.

Remember, the ability to get angry with a person for just cause can be a sign of trust and it can build and strengthen the relationship. It is a sign that you trust yourself enough to vent your own frustrations and fears. While excessive anger can be a problem, repressing it can be hazardous to a great relationship.

Taking over for her father, Dr. Roger Birkman, in 2001, Sharon Birkman Fink is President and CEO of Birkman International, Inc. providing a unique assessment tool that accurately measures internal needs, behaviors, occupational preferences and organizational strengths. She can be reached at 713-623-2760 or sfink@birkman.com.


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Over 1 million couples turn to Hitched for expert marital advice every year. Sign up now for our newsletter & get exclusive weekly content that will entertain, educate and inspire your marriage.



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