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Dreams aren’t always what they seem. Or are they? Dr. Scott Haltzman discusses the reasons why you might take your fears from a bad dream out on your spouse.
Kaia Lai (www.kaialai.com)
Having a dream about your spouse cheating on you may mean more for you than your spouse. |
You kiss your spouse goodnight and everything seems fine. The next morning, you wake-up and all hell has broken loose. How could this happen? Your spouse was sleeping the whole time, right?
Dreams can stir up very intense feelings. Having a dream about your spouse in bed with another person is likely to be very disturbing. You may be confused about what this dream means. Is it a premonition of something to come? Is it the psychic manifestation of your mate’s actions that can only come to you in your sleep? Your first thought is: “surely, this must mean something!”
No one knows for sure why humans dream. Theories range from wish fulfillment, to random neurological discharge of the brain cells, to mastering an emotional state you can’t handle while awake. Dreaming is a normal part of the sleep cycle. While most usually forget dreams by the time they wake-up, if you have a particularly disturbing dream it’s likely to stay with you the next day. But there’s no scientific evidence that dreams reveal hidden actions of others. Ironically, if anything, they may reveal your own hidden wishes: have you been thinking about fooling around outside the marriage?
You’re worried about what the dream might mean and that’s why you take it out on your spouse. Let’s face it, you don’t know what the dream means, but you can use the dream to your advantage. Instead of making your mate the target of anger or accusation, make him or her the target of inquiry. Use your dream as an opportunity to learn more about your spouse. Ask the following questions, and also be sure to answer them for yourself:
- How can I know you are faithful to me?
- What limits do you set on others of the opposite sex who might be attracted to you?
- Are there situations in which you’d be at risk for having an affair?
- Do you have needs in our relationship that I’m not meeting that would make you more likely to seek comfort with someone else?
- If you were ever to have an affair, how would we be able to talk about it?
Dr. Haltzman is a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Brown University. He is the author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever." You can find Dr. Haltzman at www.DrScott.com
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